Thursday, September 24, 2009

Twenty Seven

Why is this such an important year?
Is it a beginning, a landmark, a milestone or just the deadend.
Am I on a crest or trough of that sinusoidal wave or is it just tangent to that conical section. or Is this my chance to a shot to glory.
What follows next would be labeled as Morbid by few, but I am just seeking the real, I can't ignore it, I am not escapist. I stand against it and give it a fair fight.
The insensible theory of Negativity and Positivism is most amusing revelation of my times. Negativity is much desired VIRTUE(yes and right!), much as needed as positive, we can't shun it.

Their peak was at this age, at this particular point of time. They attained glory, they became immortals, they proved world domination is not just a word, they created a effect known as domination over souls.
My Lady Janis, as they say, sold her soul to Satan for greater good of rock n roll, just at the age of twenty seven. She became the most important lady of rock n roll.
Lord Hendrix single handedly overturned beliefs, he started a new revolution and it peaked at this same instant of time. Coming generations of guitarists were embedded with DNA from Jimi. There are bests and best evers, but they are second to Lord Hendrix.
The greatest song writer of all times had similar fate in the same time, he changd entire culture, he changed the perspective of entire generation. Jim Morrison transformed lyric creation, he brought elegance of poetry to songs.
Not even prodigious Kurt could go beyond that glorious mark. I mean this was the top of the world, where else do u go when you are at Mt Everest. He revived new air in dying genre of rock n roll. He bought the unknown from dark streets to bright sunlight of mainstream. But genius fall under his own weight, World just had too much of him.

All this analogy is futile and redundant to an irrelevant mortal like me. Am I obsessed with that figure or those GODs or the glorified stories of these heroes. Man looks upto people, who walked on the very road before him.
Why would I be any different.
Will I attain those glories?
HAA HAA, i am not even on that road.
Or for that matter, does it matter at all?
I am not sure, what is the degree of anonymity, I wish to attain.
May be I will vanish, just vanish, one fine day as if i never existed.
I don't want anything to be written after that "comma".
I don't want thud, I don't want an epilogue, I dont want a preface.
No bling for me, No jazz.

How will this twenty seven turn out to be so important to me, why was 20, 21 or 25 any less? I donno, prolly, I think I am fancying too much glory, chasing the unreal truth. As the Tommy says "Got a feeling '21, Is going to be a good year".

Is my existence for any good, or I am one hogging those resources on this planet, which someone else deserve much more.
The road to survival, the road of Darwin, Much worse like my entire specie, I suffer from endless flaws.
I am the imperfect one,
I am the one, who walks as if it doesn't matter.
I am the one, who was not the captain of that team,
I am not the one, who dont want their rule book,
I am not the one, who came with flying colors,
I am not the one, who saves face of his family for that utter pomp.
I am NOT.

Can you still embrace me?
Can you still call me your own?
Can you still think, I am The you?
Can you stop quantizing me and stop putting me in that pool?
Can you just let me be?
Can you just love me, one time, just in purity, without any reservations, without any terms?
Can you kiss my forehead for all the defeats, Losses and setbacks?

What do I attain?
What do I loose?
What matters?
What are my expectations?

I just want to drop this entire arrogance,
I just want to drop my entire vanity,
I just want to drop this insensitivity, this coldness.

More modest, More humble
Enhanced humility, More concern
Will just do fine for me.

They have such large hearts, they just accommodate everything of me.
I just want one of those big hearts.

I donno about permanency,
I choose triviality, just a few little things, which can make me smile and giggle. This vanilla happiness serves the purpose of this very life.

How am I any important than any single entity that ever existed. This entire relative importance attributed to entities, baffles me to no ends.

There aint no expectations, I just dropped them.
I want to live without fear.
Why do they tell me to be afraid? and from my own?
Why do they tell me stories of Negative and positive?

There are no goods or bads in my realm, just the plain things in harmony with everything else. I want to see the entire spectrum, I dont want just black or just white.

Creativity or trite, all are equally criticized by me, how will it all end. Do I know this path, or just keep walking. Twenty seven is no different than anything else......

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

wots goin on!

The question remain unanswered, i ask it again and again, i just ask it to my self.
I am walking right in the same direction, no attention, no heed is needed. This is where i am holding this steel spoon, light does not hit properly, i can see that bread being turned into a shape of funnel and this yellow color gravy is poured. hands are turning and moving, making the shape and pouring the gravy. I am standing between some of these ladies, two of them wear black swim suits, her dad is sitting in visitors gallery, i know he is an army officer. I want to make sure i atleast finish 100 meters in single go, but then why am not get butterfly perfect. Oh she has got perfect eyes, I like it that way. I will delay all my events, so that I will get late, may be i will get a glimpse of her. The paper is full of all useless crap, why do i care if Arun shourie joins Al Qaida. She is not coming out, fuck it, who cares. I am too civilized, i carry that thought around. Damn, what is this pattern of eating corn flakes everyday, why doesn't jam and bread appeal me anymore. They think these loose long hairs, they want to laugh, i dont care, i dont belong here. I want to screammmmmmm............

Its been delayed since a long time, i need to finish this damn driver, oh comon, u need to dig filesystems. Oh, i can sleep any time, but what am I doing? I can't just let things go. Holy shit, this room sucks, damn it. The decision to move to other place, i can't just take it. Oh it hurts, the pain, the oppression, my phone, android its GONEEEEEEE!!!!. Why am i thinking about it? do I want to feel sorry for myself. Damn it, this is not rational or logical. He doesn't need to know everything, he wont fucking understand it. Lemmy is god! I want to see Lemmy live, how fucking, how?

Damn those drums, i can keep talking on all quintessential bullshit in the world. But does all that matter, oh this question hurts, the question of existence. oh please dont call, i dont want to attend your damn call, i hate ur mechanical expressions. stay the hell away from me. oh at times u need to push ur self mechanically, just the way it is. They dont care, they invade ur private space, they shove ur elbow, they are too ignorant, they are in too much oblivion. What is all that "I" stuff, too much of pomp, too much chagrin.

Why i have to run for this shit all the time, why doesn't the damn INTERNET work, oh this ember light, it will start blinking i hate it, cant it get stable. Holy shit, they think they know westerns, this aint worth talkin about it either, Gupta, he thinks Clint flicks are better than John waynes, no way, But is my evaluation good enough, prolly i check out rotten. i just want to listen this one "right round right round, when you go down. this dude is ewww....ugly, right round, right when u go down.