Friday, June 29, 2007

Homo Intellecta

Intellectualism is one of those things that has happened to me(okay you bloody nit picker, I am not intending that to myself, but even if i am, so what, this is goddamn my blog!) . By every mean I try not to get into this intellectual thing, try to simplify every thing and get into the zone of being ordinary or general, but then there is a kick related to it. It is more like intoxication, it is more like an addiction, it comes back automatically, i don't have to even beat my eyelash.
There are several places where i often try to intellectualize things, in fact I do it to every other thing. The kind of books i read, i will try to find kind of books, which are too deeply nested and too much philosophical and consuming all my mind and conscious. I won't settle for any story or any thing lesser than a classic or something very intricate. Simple books or books every one else read won't satisfy me; no way! I cannot read this shit. These guy know nothing about literature or reading; as if, I am some Shakespeare. Next thing that come to my mind and which i will not compromise, even on the grounds that i am not an expert on subject is "Music". Everyone has its own say and taste on music, but you never kill each other during genre war. But not me. Talk about any thing that is not metal or some classic rock in front me, i will deliver half an hour lecture on why rock is so good -- no no, why rock is great? Trust me or not, but Rock is truely intellectual music. Rock stars may seem some kind of roadies but they are very very evolved intellectual being and learned musicians. But then listening to hindi melody is not that bad either, but why would i settle for that? where are the kicks, where are the surges, I don't enjoy melody or even give a damn about it. Then somebody may ask me "dammit, then why don't you listen to classical?" hmnnn.... May be I have not still attain that level.
Now there is a thing which i proclaim my self to be The King; that is BAKARchodee(I know i have promised a blog on this one, but it is still incomplete, so keep watching this space.), yes I can talk useless and senseless and non-stop. I believe i can deliver both quantity(I can bet on this one) and quality(hah... vanity). Now why conversation comes in picture here is that, no matter how hard i try, no matter to whom i talk, no matter why am i conversing, if it stretches to little longer than my threshold of pretending simple, i end up saying presumed philosophy or for that matter some "gyan spreading" , babbling facts and throwing my own opinions developed over some bias over all these years. I can not just talk for the heck of it, the belief that communication is a must and that too precise and conveying exact idea is so strongly embedded into my system that I sometimes defeat the whole purpose, just putting some fundas like usual form of intellectual bakarchodee. i don't know why? but, entire result is complicating the simple meaningful idea or data into complicated jargon and funda-filled statement(and mind it interpretation is left to receiver at to his own wits). Plain talk are none of my business.
This entire intellectual thing has spoilt me totally, every thing i do is governed by a powerful thought, a notion and moreover, only few thing which i have not dealt with may go normally or with some intuition. Otherwise, there is a precursor to everything, okay i should have talked about it, knowledge is my poison, I have strong affinity towards it. Curiosity can kill the cat, but, still i will quench my thirst for it by all means (affording serious losses sometimes). I am too much suspicious about the source, Knowledge and that too in its purest form and highly reliable; oho...why don't you go to antartica to find out how penguins pee?. You know more, you feel more equipped, but actually you have more reservations and more prejudices, than it would have without knowing and thing still worsen up with incorrect knowledge. This fear of incorrect knowledge makes me paranoid at times, i feel almost killed if some of my information is wrong. Me and my data being wrong, no way, you must be kiddin! right.
My lifestyle typically moves around everything that has something to with that intellectual thing. My clothes, i will give them a huge amount of thought and justify every reason for wearing them, (In that much time, one could have done some research on extinct animals like Archaeopteryx and added another chapter in paleontology). The kind of movies i watch should be one of those critically acclaimed stuff and must give me a food for thought, some times i had to scratch my head to understand "what is going on" and "why"? But what is the big deal if the movie doesn't give you that pain in your head. Entertainment have taken a back seat and that too for a very very long time. Food, now you will think that, :"this is injustice to one self", but yes! nothing get spared, not even food. I will try to do some research on food joint and cuisines and diets and then only eat at particular place and that too a particular kind of stuff. Phew., quite perspirating.
Now even this blog is result of all those intellectual things, resulting me to blabber uselessly and pointlessly, believing that i have created a Masterpiece of writing, every time. But yet i know this is more relieving than not saying anything at all. I know intellectualism has consumed every bit of all thing i have, but i enjoy it more than anything, yes! more than being insane or ecstatic or rhapsodic. So let it be that way and let me enjoy this shit.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Man against Man

Why am I being compared?
Am I a human or are I a commodity.
Life begins with being compared with other beings.... You look more like like you mom. So what do you expect should I look like? alien from pluto!
As I gained some conscious I am compared with John of Neighborhood. John get better marks than you . So what goddammit, I am no bloody John.
You have to be first in class. If I have to be first in class, what are all others suppose to be?
You are not growing tall.. look at Mrs X son he has grown so tall... Mrs X. son is particularly suffering from hormonal imbalance and has undergone a transformation better known as gigantism.
Then I compete against others of my type at all possible place and intellect believe that as competition becomes more quality improves, and better thing come into existence.
I want to be the best, paradoxically "what is best".... where does best exist. best in world, best in town, better than my friends. Nature has taught us competition at few places, but not everywhere. I am striving hard to prove that I am better than you in some terms or in all terms or may be in some other term. Just trying to prove some worthless crap!!
Humans become machine binded by criterion of some pre-designed human concepts and few of them hold the key, because they came early or found some like minded people and made a group, finally institutionalizing everything.
I often tend to become better than X number of people, but how much as human I tend to grow. How much better am I than our my own self.
I improvise because everyone else is improving. Does any form of innovation or ingenuity born out of such competition, I believe none. All great invention are constant improvement of its own self.
Categorizing people: why?
he is John Travolta look alike? or I aspire to be come Bjon Borg? Boss!!! why don't you try to become yourself first. This person is 50% something, I am being classified based on marks I obtain in my studies? Isn't this racism. Is it not equally bad as calling some me as "nigger". If I try to do things on my own or i remain self consumed you labele me as "Nerds" and even if I try to socialize, I am out casted because of that label.
You ought to do this because you father did this? why can't i find my own way and why can't i do things my way?
Ok I know systems, regulations and processes exist to make life better and easier and easily managed(now this is the whole key of the misery), but what about people? If people tend to follow process and find it miserable, should one continue with that and for sake of it get adjusted and say politely "it is nice process". These Idiosyncrasies of Process and management are converting people as nothing but productive machines, killing the man in him. Well, what is left is a clown in us often termed as "Manager".

What about me left as what I am? converting civilization as better process rather than making it loaded with Idiosyncrasies and do's and don't? Rules should make things easier and not complicate them. There should exist some form of logic and human-factor, which should govern things rather then being told what to do and how to do? Some form of agreement in terms of our human nature must exist. Running along with people to get ahead of them is not something I am born for. Gifted human beings are most destructive force of nature, which nature has produced and above all they are destroying themselves in order to prove some form of superiority, I don't know.... to whom?

Monday, June 04, 2007

In my dreams

In my dream I see her....
she is mighty , she is deep, she is silent,
she is large like an ocean.

I keep just observing her
all around me I see water....
the dusk is approaching very fast...
I cannot fathom its depth..

I wonder what mother earth has made...
so huge still, so silent,
It warns people with its waves...
destruction can be near anytime...

human have made so much..
still this creation of mother earth
leaves me pondering we are miniscule...
of all her creation this river creates an awe in me...
Oh the Mighty Brahmaputra.... you are in my dreams... always.