Sapota do not care about these terms or putting him self in one of these categories, But for sake of knowing new words he do familiarize himself with these terms once in a while.
So the question here is "is sapota cynical?"
Well, not really, he is not there yet.
Does he want to be a cynic?
No not at all, but is it really a choice?
Here is the thing, from the outset he was never anything closely related to cynical and he tries hard even today not to be one. But as he knows more about the world and as he interact more with the world it grows. Its a sad thing that it cannot be escaped, he will be a bigger cynic in coming future.
he does not want to assume anything about anyone's motive, but finding inherent good in others and pursuing that belief is becoming harder and harder day by day.
The intelligent school of thought says its good to be informed than to be betrayed. But when Sapota looks back at younger people or people who do not know the dirty secrets of the world, they seem to be blissfully in love with the world. Whereas the so called know-it-all are grumpy and skeptical even about the simplest of the things.
The other day sapota was talking to someone younger to him in age and she talked about oprah, and good philanthropist work of Oprah. And sapota just went on his usual rant on how its about business and be-fooling everyone. He has not researched about the stuff much because he doesn't really care about it. But in popular culture, she is often joked about as being uptight and glamorous. Perhaps, there is a lot of good charity work at the core of all this. But, sapota simply wont be absolutely convinced of anything. And that is when she(the friend) pointed out that sapota is just being cynical. Not that sapota was not aware of this change which slowly taking place, he was unprepared for this and he was a little awakened by it.
We have our own sense of maturity and being responsible and we tend to forget the great things about life. No one is absolutely good or bad, but we base our decision on 1 bad deed of other person and just paint the entire resume with it.
Sapota tries very hard to maintain his "look everything with good in it" perspective and don't question the underlying motives, don't try to read between the lines and don't try to over analyse it. But with one bump on this road, he immediately puts on his cynical goggles on and see everything with question marks in it. Everyone says you can not live life and be successful if you act simply on what you see, you have to dig deep. Whereas digging deep is not necessarily bad thing, but what are we looking for? And in honesty, with the cynic glasses sapota doesn't look for treasures, he looks for skeletons.
Is this behaviour unjustified, is this just overdoing it? well, no. Sapota have seen a lot of so called beliefs shred to pieces, the people who appeared to be saints turned out be devils. The falseness of this world is so monstrous that until unless you are deep rooted with your firm beliefs, you will be absorbed. You have to weigh everything and perform a quality check on it.
To sapota cynicism is merely a word and he wants it to remain that way, if it touches him, he will be unhappy. What will it bring to him? supposedly it can be a good companion for survival, but it will make him miserable. It will feed you, but you will remain unsatiated.
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Thursday, November 11, 2010
the doppler shift
Have you ever wondered in your life about your strongest beliefs? The time when you believe in spite of being not judged, there is a compulsion forced upon you in order to be nice. The line between being cocky and "just trying to exhibit your ability" is so fine that you fail to take a right decision. Or worst you question your decision.
Your humility is not enough, the worst part is there is no way to measure it. Your actions are least cared about and you have no idea of what to expect. You believed "what is it that you can't tackle" but here you are struggling with the tiniest of problem.
Is your skill, experience and ability under a test to which you can easily succeed, but you still are so unsure. Your normal or in fact what you believed your mild indulgence is not really mild enough. What strength is still driving you? or are you just mad on yourself.
The adequate amount of sophistication or huge amount of savageness? what would you choose, is your goal is always to win? Are you treating everything your action to achieve an end.... or is the means; what worries you most?
There is not limit to what can puzzle you, confuse you. No matter how well versed you are with the universe, but it will throw newer scenarios at you, which will toss you like you never existed. Your quantification of unknown is always insufficient; Does it compel you to give up?
It is this time you stand up tall, you fight, you fight harder, the victory is not a matter of accomplishment, its a matter of good fight. Never give up, may be find an another way, may be try newer methods, but stand up to what you always believed in.
Your humility is not enough, the worst part is there is no way to measure it. Your actions are least cared about and you have no idea of what to expect. You believed "what is it that you can't tackle" but here you are struggling with the tiniest of problem.
Is your skill, experience and ability under a test to which you can easily succeed, but you still are so unsure. Your normal or in fact what you believed your mild indulgence is not really mild enough. What strength is still driving you? or are you just mad on yourself.
The adequate amount of sophistication or huge amount of savageness? what would you choose, is your goal is always to win? Are you treating everything your action to achieve an end.... or is the means; what worries you most?
There is not limit to what can puzzle you, confuse you. No matter how well versed you are with the universe, but it will throw newer scenarios at you, which will toss you like you never existed. Your quantification of unknown is always insufficient; Does it compel you to give up?
It is this time you stand up tall, you fight, you fight harder, the victory is not a matter of accomplishment, its a matter of good fight. Never give up, may be find an another way, may be try newer methods, but stand up to what you always believed in.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Twenty Seven
Why is this such an important year?
Is it a beginning, a landmark, a milestone or just the deadend.
Am I on a crest or trough of that sinusoidal wave or is it just tangent to that conical section. or Is this my chance to a shot to glory.
What follows next would be labeled as Morbid by few, but I am just seeking the real, I can't ignore it, I am not escapist. I stand against it and give it a fair fight.
The insensible theory of Negativity and Positivism is most amusing revelation of my times. Negativity is much desired VIRTUE(yes and right!), much as needed as positive, we can't shun it.
Their peak was at this age, at this particular point of time. They attained glory, they became immortals, they proved world domination is not just a word, they created a effect known as domination over souls.
My Lady Janis, as they say, sold her soul to Satan for greater good of rock n roll, just at the age of twenty seven. She became the most important lady of rock n roll.
Lord Hendrix single handedly overturned beliefs, he started a new revolution and it peaked at this same instant of time. Coming generations of guitarists were embedded with DNA from Jimi. There are bests and best evers, but they are second to Lord Hendrix.
The greatest song writer of all times had similar fate in the same time, he changd entire culture, he changed the perspective of entire generation. Jim Morrison transformed lyric creation, he brought elegance of poetry to songs.
Not even prodigious Kurt could go beyond that glorious mark. I mean this was the top of the world, where else do u go when you are at Mt Everest. He revived new air in dying genre of rock n roll. He bought the unknown from dark streets to bright sunlight of mainstream. But genius fall under his own weight, World just had too much of him.
All this analogy is futile and redundant to an irrelevant mortal like me. Am I obsessed with that figure or those GODs or the glorified stories of these heroes. Man looks upto people, who walked on the very road before him.
Why would I be any different.
Will I attain those glories?
HAA HAA, i am not even on that road.
Or for that matter, does it matter at all?
I am not sure, what is the degree of anonymity, I wish to attain.
May be I will vanish, just vanish, one fine day as if i never existed.
I don't want anything to be written after that "comma".
I don't want thud, I don't want an epilogue, I dont want a preface.
No bling for me, No jazz.
How will this twenty seven turn out to be so important to me, why was 20, 21 or 25 any less? I donno, prolly, I think I am fancying too much glory, chasing the unreal truth. As the Tommy says "Got a feeling '21, Is going to be a good year".
Is my existence for any good, or I am one hogging those resources on this planet, which someone else deserve much more.
The road to survival, the road of Darwin, Much worse like my entire specie, I suffer from endless flaws.
I am the imperfect one,
I am the one, who walks as if it doesn't matter.
I am the one, who was not the captain of that team,
I am not the one, who dont want their rule book,
I am not the one, who came with flying colors,
I am not the one, who saves face of his family for that utter pomp.
I am NOT.
Can you still embrace me?
Can you still call me your own?
Can you still think, I am The you?
Can you stop quantizing me and stop putting me in that pool?
Can you just let me be?
Can you just love me, one time, just in purity, without any reservations, without any terms?
Can you kiss my forehead for all the defeats, Losses and setbacks?
What do I attain?
What do I loose?
What matters?
What are my expectations?
I just want to drop this entire arrogance,
I just want to drop my entire vanity,
I just want to drop this insensitivity, this coldness.
More modest, More humble
Enhanced humility, More concern
Will just do fine for me.
They have such large hearts, they just accommodate everything of me.
I just want one of those big hearts.
I donno about permanency,
I choose triviality, just a few little things, which can make me smile and giggle. This vanilla happiness serves the purpose of this very life.
How am I any important than any single entity that ever existed. This entire relative importance attributed to entities, baffles me to no ends.
There aint no expectations, I just dropped them.
I want to live without fear.
Why do they tell me to be afraid? and from my own?
Why do they tell me stories of Negative and positive?
There are no goods or bads in my realm, just the plain things in harmony with everything else. I want to see the entire spectrum, I dont want just black or just white.
Creativity or trite, all are equally criticized by me, how will it all end. Do I know this path, or just keep walking. Twenty seven is no different than anything else......
Is it a beginning, a landmark, a milestone or just the deadend.
Am I on a crest or trough of that sinusoidal wave or is it just tangent to that conical section. or Is this my chance to a shot to glory.
What follows next would be labeled as Morbid by few, but I am just seeking the real, I can't ignore it, I am not escapist. I stand against it and give it a fair fight.
The insensible theory of Negativity and Positivism is most amusing revelation of my times. Negativity is much desired VIRTUE(yes and right!), much as needed as positive, we can't shun it.
Their peak was at this age, at this particular point of time. They attained glory, they became immortals, they proved world domination is not just a word, they created a effect known as domination over souls.
My Lady Janis, as they say, sold her soul to Satan for greater good of rock n roll, just at the age of twenty seven. She became the most important lady of rock n roll.
Lord Hendrix single handedly overturned beliefs, he started a new revolution and it peaked at this same instant of time. Coming generations of guitarists were embedded with DNA from Jimi. There are bests and best evers, but they are second to Lord Hendrix.
The greatest song writer of all times had similar fate in the same time, he changd entire culture, he changed the perspective of entire generation. Jim Morrison transformed lyric creation, he brought elegance of poetry to songs.
Not even prodigious Kurt could go beyond that glorious mark. I mean this was the top of the world, where else do u go when you are at Mt Everest. He revived new air in dying genre of rock n roll. He bought the unknown from dark streets to bright sunlight of mainstream. But genius fall under his own weight, World just had too much of him.
All this analogy is futile and redundant to an irrelevant mortal like me. Am I obsessed with that figure or those GODs or the glorified stories of these heroes. Man looks upto people, who walked on the very road before him.
Why would I be any different.
Will I attain those glories?
HAA HAA, i am not even on that road.
Or for that matter, does it matter at all?
I am not sure, what is the degree of anonymity, I wish to attain.
May be I will vanish, just vanish, one fine day as if i never existed.
I don't want anything to be written after that "comma".
I don't want thud, I don't want an epilogue, I dont want a preface.
No bling for me, No jazz.
How will this twenty seven turn out to be so important to me, why was 20, 21 or 25 any less? I donno, prolly, I think I am fancying too much glory, chasing the unreal truth. As the Tommy says "Got a feeling '21, Is going to be a good year".
Is my existence for any good, or I am one hogging those resources on this planet, which someone else deserve much more.
The road to survival, the road of Darwin, Much worse like my entire specie, I suffer from endless flaws.
I am the imperfect one,
I am the one, who walks as if it doesn't matter.
I am the one, who was not the captain of that team,
I am not the one, who dont want their rule book,
I am not the one, who came with flying colors,
I am not the one, who saves face of his family for that utter pomp.
I am NOT.
Can you still embrace me?
Can you still call me your own?
Can you still think, I am The you?
Can you stop quantizing me and stop putting me in that pool?
Can you just let me be?
Can you just love me, one time, just in purity, without any reservations, without any terms?
Can you kiss my forehead for all the defeats, Losses and setbacks?
What do I attain?
What do I loose?
What matters?
What are my expectations?
I just want to drop this entire arrogance,
I just want to drop my entire vanity,
I just want to drop this insensitivity, this coldness.
More modest, More humble
Enhanced humility, More concern
Will just do fine for me.
They have such large hearts, they just accommodate everything of me.
I just want one of those big hearts.
I donno about permanency,
I choose triviality, just a few little things, which can make me smile and giggle. This vanilla happiness serves the purpose of this very life.
How am I any important than any single entity that ever existed. This entire relative importance attributed to entities, baffles me to no ends.
There aint no expectations, I just dropped them.
I want to live without fear.
Why do they tell me to be afraid? and from my own?
Why do they tell me stories of Negative and positive?
There are no goods or bads in my realm, just the plain things in harmony with everything else. I want to see the entire spectrum, I dont want just black or just white.
Creativity or trite, all are equally criticized by me, how will it all end. Do I know this path, or just keep walking. Twenty seven is no different than anything else......
Thursday, August 06, 2009
The escapist, they are.
What would make you say things, which are totally irrelevant to life. You are being asked if your life is in shambles and you tend to discuss the new rock n roll album, you purchased. The tiger(oh yes, I call him tiger) always blame his shirts and clothes for all the fight he does in the world. He says I wont wear this shirt, because every time i wear this I fight with people, he wont admit the fact, that its in his nature to be quarrelsome, and on the top of it he is superstitious.
Why on the earth would people blame the poor cat if some mishap happens. Isn't your life already miserable enough? you are not moving a single straw and expecting all the lacklustre to transform into a brilliant shiny beacon of life.
All the damn time, for all your losses, you end up believing that its gods will. I think god is a busy creature, he just makes the instrument for life and makes free will, what you do with it is purely your thing, he wont interfere. Well, you get result of what you do, but how does your fate come into picture, if you fail in exam?
This entire concept of destiny is pure unadulterated case of some big marketing hoax or some work of propaganda. The strong ruler or the party in power will emphasis on everything that will keep subjects to neglect facts and indulge in their own lives and overlook the very reason that these weak creatures are driven by someone else.
Why do u think god punishes only those sinners, who happen to be poor or weak, for same kind of deed, the rich and powerful enjoy all the cream in the world. Well it has been inculcated in our brains, all those beliefs, we can't question them in the lack of evidence and worse enough, we face such a strong resistance. Its really is incomprehensible, where there is such a strong lobby for such biased and prejudiced beliefs. Why are they selling unreasonable bullshit for centuries? Even they are not sure of what they are talking, but every one pretends otherwise.
Its right in front of your eyes? its a loss, its a phenomenon, bloody accept it. Why are you trying so hard not to believe it, or are you trying to enforce some sort of delay, that things will get any better. Unfortunately things get better, when you work for their betterment. Yes, there are factors, which are not governed by us and factors, we can't control. But what about the things, which we can do? Have we tried enough or we were so busy procrastinating about stuff we don't control that time flew and we were flying in our fancy world escaping reality.
Its for us to do, who else will do it, why we tend to postpone it, why are we not on it and finish it off, what is a better time than this. We are not in war sire! Its our every day work, so still what makes us avoid it? Alright, you don't like it, so then change it, there are always way of mending things, its all how badly you want to change it.
They don't understand it, they don't control it, but they fancy it, but what we can change is what we should be up to.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
i'm so excited!!!
me: Hey! I am so excited?
me: Why?(pondering?) what is so exciting?
me: Nothing, i am just excited. I feel so.
me: what? there is a precursor to everything? there should be something.
me: (pondering)...
me: what? you are thinking, ha ha, you clueless fool, u are thinking! ROFL.
me: there aren't always reason for things.
me: u are pointless AGAIN???
me: (song: wherever i may roam, where i stay....)
me: STOP!!! you idiot, you can't listen Metallica, while talking to me.
me: you are an arrogant jerk.
me: SO????
me: you think that's kool.
me: LOL. you are trying to act smarter, you dumb looser, ha ha, you know what...
me: (aping) you know what...
me: (frowned)
me: every dog has a day.
me: you mean a dog-day afternoon?
me: yuck!!! that was a real bad one.
me: oh really!!! you think u are Jim carrey?
me: there is a minimum specified level.
me: where? ISO 840 and 420?
me: (twisting my mouth!!!)that was quite mature of you.
me: oh yeah, I know that, as always(hissing...).
me: hey man the excitement is gone.
me: oh again! back? - yeah......... May be then I will fade away
and don't have to face the fact.....SSSSSSSSSSSS.....
me: Why?(pondering?) what is so exciting?
me: Nothing, i am just excited. I feel so.
me: what? there is a precursor to everything? there should be something.
me: (pondering)...
me: what? you are thinking, ha ha, you clueless fool, u are thinking! ROFL.
me: there aren't always reason for things.
me: u are pointless AGAIN???
me: (song: wherever i may roam, where i stay....)
me: STOP!!! you idiot, you can't listen Metallica, while talking to me.
me: you are an arrogant jerk.
me: SO????
me: you think that's kool.
me: LOL. you are trying to act smarter, you dumb looser, ha ha, you know what...
me: (aping) you know what...
me: (frowned)
me: every dog has a day.
me: you mean a dog-day afternoon?
me: yuck!!! that was a real bad one.
me: oh really!!! you think u are Jim carrey?
me: there is a minimum specified level.
me: where? ISO 840 and 420?
me: (twisting my mouth!!!)that was quite mature of you.
me: oh yeah, I know that, as always(hissing...).
me: hey man the excitement is gone.
me: oh again! back? - yeah......... May be then I will fade away
and don't have to face the fact.....SSSSSSSSSSSS.....
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
The royal Bengali Phaak
Journey PART II
Well not all experiences are pleasant even if u are traveling for fun. But this was different and in sapota's terms it was burning my money(read khoon-pasine kee kamai) and get fucked royally.
On this Netaji Basu airport, there is not a single pre-paid and sapota is wondering, "what to do", in the meanwhile his friend calls up and ask him to get to some place called Gariahaat. By the time sapota left pune he had news that Calcutta has pleasant weather(that means not raining, there is nothing called pleasant weather in Calcutta), but two days in Bombay has left him isolated from the world. So here sapota came to know its raining cats and dogs in Cal for last 2 days non-stop. So this part of world(read dumdum airport) is totally disconnected from other part of civilization.
Sapota used his Bakar skills with some security fella to get him out. Consequently sapota was taken to a shady hotel, which looks like Vyom kesh Bakshi(It was a detective serial on DD) type of lodge, sapota felt a chill of fear. Since it was raining Taxis were making hay, sapota was charged heavily for distance less 5 km. Sapota shut all his doors hard to avoid all forms of mishaps, and wake up directly in morning.
Thankfully there was no more rain in morning, so Sapota thought of using metro to get to the destination, so he boarded local bus. Bloody crowded and humidity made sapota suffocate along with hardcore difficult bengali all around making him look like retard. After 40 minutes of struggle bus finally stopped, but the light at the end of the tunnel is always another train coming your way; there u were at a place full of flood water, a bus or may be a truck was badly stuck in water below the bridge with water upto wind shields of the vehicle. Sapota was shocked he said in utter frustrations "this is what i called 'fuck de royale' ". Sapota returned back to same place where he started with the same bus cursing all the devils in hell.
Finally sapota somehow managed to get a taxi to take him to desired place, but this one burnt a big hole in Sapota's pocket. Sapota again managed to get another hotel burning another big amount of money for absolutely no good reason.
The tragedy did not stop here; Sapota was staying at supposedly posh area, so sapota circumscribed entire area of 500 meters to find out a nice breakfast joint, but to his dimay he could just find sweet shops and pooris, sapota was wondering ,"why the hell do these bengalis don't have breakfast". This was still 9 in morning and sapota was perspiring so heavily his entire clothes were wet, this kind of humidity is special to this place.
In afternoon sapota went to famous Kali Temple of calcutta, which turn out to be still bigger fiasco. The very reason hindus shun going to pilgrim is Pandas troubling devotees. This is so ridiculous, who are these people between devotee and deities. Anyway Sapota is a hard nut, so he managed to get out with out getting much in trouble, but he could not actually wait and see the place.
Floods and then heat made this experience of calcutta puzled sapota as to why did he wasted so much time and money at this place.
Well not all experiences are pleasant even if u are traveling for fun. But this was different and in sapota's terms it was burning my money(read khoon-pasine kee kamai) and get fucked royally.
On this Netaji Basu airport, there is not a single pre-paid and sapota is wondering, "what to do", in the meanwhile his friend calls up and ask him to get to some place called Gariahaat. By the time sapota left pune he had news that Calcutta has pleasant weather(that means not raining, there is nothing called pleasant weather in Calcutta), but two days in Bombay has left him isolated from the world. So here sapota came to know its raining cats and dogs in Cal for last 2 days non-stop. So this part of world(read dumdum airport) is totally disconnected from other part of civilization.
Sapota used his Bakar skills with some security fella to get him out. Consequently sapota was taken to a shady hotel, which looks like Vyom kesh Bakshi(It was a detective serial on DD) type of lodge, sapota felt a chill of fear. Since it was raining Taxis were making hay, sapota was charged heavily for distance less 5 km. Sapota shut all his doors hard to avoid all forms of mishaps, and wake up directly in morning.
Thankfully there was no more rain in morning, so Sapota thought of using metro to get to the destination, so he boarded local bus. Bloody crowded and humidity made sapota suffocate along with hardcore difficult bengali all around making him look like retard. After 40 minutes of struggle bus finally stopped, but the light at the end of the tunnel is always another train coming your way; there u were at a place full of flood water, a bus or may be a truck was badly stuck in water below the bridge with water upto wind shields of the vehicle. Sapota was shocked he said in utter frustrations "this is what i called 'fuck de royale' ". Sapota returned back to same place where he started with the same bus cursing all the devils in hell.
Finally sapota somehow managed to get a taxi to take him to desired place, but this one burnt a big hole in Sapota's pocket. Sapota again managed to get another hotel burning another big amount of money for absolutely no good reason.
The tragedy did not stop here; Sapota was staying at supposedly posh area, so sapota circumscribed entire area of 500 meters to find out a nice breakfast joint, but to his dimay he could just find sweet shops and pooris, sapota was wondering ,"why the hell do these bengalis don't have breakfast". This was still 9 in morning and sapota was perspiring so heavily his entire clothes were wet, this kind of humidity is special to this place.
In afternoon sapota went to famous Kali Temple of calcutta, which turn out to be still bigger fiasco. The very reason hindus shun going to pilgrim is Pandas troubling devotees. This is so ridiculous, who are these people between devotee and deities. Anyway Sapota is a hard nut, so he managed to get out with out getting much in trouble, but he could not actually wait and see the place.
Floods and then heat made this experience of calcutta puzled sapota as to why did he wasted so much time and money at this place.
Monday, October 08, 2007
The maiden flight
Journey PART I
Sapota was traveling by Bombay local and listening this conversation between some teenagers about airplanes. This one was bragging about how he has flown to various places and what all airlines. Sapota started imagining himself as a kid and how he wondered about his flying. Sapota always wondered as a kid that flying was for riches and he was unsure whether he will ever make it.
Bombay Airport is really one heck of a place. It was nice and upto the standard as what sapota imagined an air port should be, neat and pleasant. Sapota went to check-in counter and there was this make-up clad lady, which gave him a fake smile. Sapota hates all this fake smile thing, but he anyway returned back a fake smile.
Every where sapota saw many phony beauties and bunch of pretentious people around. After spending a grand amount on infinitesimal quantity of food, sapota boarded the plane. As sapota went inside he can see some form of fog all around, that was new! Sapota thought that was for the effect, but no it was just the air conditioning thing. Now the next thing Sapota saw was Ms Ekta Vohra, man! she was hawt and trust me she was genuine beauty, the punjabi one.
Anyway sapota has chosen the seat just next to wings just to see them, it was his earnest desire to see the so-called aero-foil. Take off was fast and one can really feel the force, huge amount of thrust and there we are, flying. Now due to clouds one can really see flow lines near the aerofoil, Sapota was thanking Bernoulli, Reynolds and Newton for what they have done for the mankind. Sapota during most of his flight was staring Ms Ekta and listening to some heavy shit.
Plane stopped at Nagpur for sometimes and all sapota can hear was flight attendant asking not to take snaps of this place due to military restrictions.
In between captain was giving updates on final of twenty-20, some jerk shouted "chak-de" in plane. Sapota felt, "What the phaak!". Finally reached Calcutta airport aka Netaji Subhash Chardra Bose(Basu in Bengali), which was utterly disappointing. not to say of what followed next.....
Sapota was traveling by Bombay local and listening this conversation between some teenagers about airplanes. This one was bragging about how he has flown to various places and what all airlines. Sapota started imagining himself as a kid and how he wondered about his flying. Sapota always wondered as a kid that flying was for riches and he was unsure whether he will ever make it.
Bombay Airport is really one heck of a place. It was nice and upto the standard as what sapota imagined an air port should be, neat and pleasant. Sapota went to check-in counter and there was this make-up clad lady, which gave him a fake smile. Sapota hates all this fake smile thing, but he anyway returned back a fake smile.
Every where sapota saw many phony beauties and bunch of pretentious people around. After spending a grand amount on infinitesimal quantity of food, sapota boarded the plane. As sapota went inside he can see some form of fog all around, that was new! Sapota thought that was for the effect, but no it was just the air conditioning thing. Now the next thing Sapota saw was Ms Ekta Vohra, man! she was hawt and trust me she was genuine beauty, the punjabi one.
Anyway sapota has chosen the seat just next to wings just to see them, it was his earnest desire to see the so-called aero-foil. Take off was fast and one can really feel the force, huge amount of thrust and there we are, flying. Now due to clouds one can really see flow lines near the aerofoil, Sapota was thanking Bernoulli, Reynolds and Newton for what they have done for the mankind. Sapota during most of his flight was staring Ms Ekta and listening to some heavy shit.
Plane stopped at Nagpur for sometimes and all sapota can hear was flight attendant asking not to take snaps of this place due to military restrictions.
In between captain was giving updates on final of twenty-20, some jerk shouted "chak-de" in plane. Sapota felt, "What the phaak!". Finally reached Calcutta airport aka Netaji Subhash Chardra Bose(Basu in Bengali), which was utterly disappointing. not to say of what followed next.....
Monday, September 17, 2007
what a waste !!!
Life sometimes makes one to do things, which one do not wish to do. What sapota is trying to say is that since he has set some standards for himself and going below them is utterly tourturing. Sapota do not say or justify any of his statement on the ground of good or bad, but then he is always more inclined on his likes and dislike and sometimes strongly. Sapota went to see hindi movies for 15 times and found all of them unsatisfactory and disappointing, and after each movie he took a vow of no more repeating the performance but literally every time much to his own dismay and with heavy heart, he sacrificed his vows for dear ones. There is a limit to the number sacrifice sapota can make, but not beyond it. And this time after 15th repeated follies, sapota has determined "NO" and "NO". Sapota with strong will and determination persisted trough the vow for more then 4 months, but grass didn't remained green for long and sapota, inspite of his hard will and single mindedness, became prey of circumstances.
A usually bad day started with zero result effort and now here we are standing to make choice of which of these movies will least torturing, sapota had a sudden fear of undergoing a pain for next 3 hours. Sapota is standing at ticket counter, looking right into eyes of the ticket distributer, she has received him with dull looks, sapota with his hands trembling with fear, flashes his card, "6 tickets for this show". Sapota in the back of his mind is still thinking, "why the heck am i suppose to do this". May be, it not always your happiness that counts, but this is their happiness, which makes u happy.
Inside the hall, we are always happy until movie starts with our wise cracks and our goofy slapstick remarks. Bunch of chicks in hind row and some rowdy lads in front. Now as everyone was expecting movie will be crappy and to make things interesting everyone expected sapota to pass real funny remarks, but for some reason sapota's creativity and enthusiasm was yawing somewhere else. Anyway chicks at hind row were enjoying and passing some silly comments, which can barely make you laugh, but still chicks were enjoying, and sapota and his allies were making all efforts to get a glance of chicks by some or other way(this includes frequent visits to loo).
Movie has all forms of predictable jokes, below standard jokes and no humor whatsoever, some of the jokes were pathetic, some of them gross and most of them untimely and really bad. Only one person was worth watching, Javed jafri(sapota is his big fan, for his awesome comic sense). Arshad warshi was biggest disappointment. Sapota, until the end was figuring out as to what was he doing in movie. Anyway movie was a total fiasco, total waste of sapotas currency and more than that sapota's time, Sapota could have seen two nice movies in the time, but then man proposes and god disposes. So once more sopta has succumb to something really creepy and total waste.
A usually bad day started with zero result effort and now here we are standing to make choice of which of these movies will least torturing, sapota had a sudden fear of undergoing a pain for next 3 hours. Sapota is standing at ticket counter, looking right into eyes of the ticket distributer, she has received him with dull looks, sapota with his hands trembling with fear, flashes his card, "6 tickets for this show". Sapota in the back of his mind is still thinking, "why the heck am i suppose to do this". May be, it not always your happiness that counts, but this is their happiness, which makes u happy.
Inside the hall, we are always happy until movie starts with our wise cracks and our goofy slapstick remarks. Bunch of chicks in hind row and some rowdy lads in front. Now as everyone was expecting movie will be crappy and to make things interesting everyone expected sapota to pass real funny remarks, but for some reason sapota's creativity and enthusiasm was yawing somewhere else. Anyway chicks at hind row were enjoying and passing some silly comments, which can barely make you laugh, but still chicks were enjoying, and sapota and his allies were making all efforts to get a glance of chicks by some or other way(this includes frequent visits to loo).
Movie has all forms of predictable jokes, below standard jokes and no humor whatsoever, some of the jokes were pathetic, some of them gross and most of them untimely and really bad. Only one person was worth watching, Javed jafri(sapota is his big fan, for his awesome comic sense). Arshad warshi was biggest disappointment. Sapota, until the end was figuring out as to what was he doing in movie. Anyway movie was a total fiasco, total waste of sapotas currency and more than that sapota's time, Sapota could have seen two nice movies in the time, but then man proposes and god disposes. So once more sopta has succumb to something really creepy and total waste.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
My new PC configuration
Well, Sapota is not very flaunty or showy or pretentious or pompous or whatever it is. But when you have some hardware which is worth talking about, then why not.
Sapota always desired to have a great PC config, one which is unmatchable and there is no bloody software which have higher requirement. after along period, Sapota have fulfilled his desire to get such a hi-end pc. I have waited for it as a 10 year old waiting for a new bicycle of may be 5 year old to have a chocolate or ice cream.
Well lets cut the crap and talk business now. So what is big deal about the entire config.
Graphix card: NVidia GeForce 8800 GTS make XFX, with 320 MB of DDR3 ram and yeah it is SLI compatible card, with support of DX10 and many hi-fi things which i even don't know.
Mother Board: ASUS P5ENSLI, with sli support and offcourse N number of things onboard.
Processor: heee hee haa haa .. Intel E6750 ie. core 2 duo 2.66 Ghz with 4 MB L2 cache and FSB of 1333(What the heck!!! man).
Hard Disk: western digital sata K series(with huge amount of buffer cache) 320 GBs
Power supply: 600 W Silver coated VIP(with two Fans)
Memory : 2 GB transcend 667 Mhz DDR2
See the Graphix Card is bigger than the Hardisk !!!!!!
Sapota always desired to have a great PC config, one which is unmatchable and there is no bloody software which have higher requirement. after along period, Sapota have fulfilled his desire to get such a hi-end pc. I have waited for it as a 10 year old waiting for a new bicycle of may be 5 year old to have a chocolate or ice cream.
Well lets cut the crap and talk business now. So what is big deal about the entire config.
Graphix card: NVidia GeForce 8800 GTS make XFX, with 320 MB of DDR3 ram and yeah it is SLI compatible card, with support of DX10 and many hi-fi things which i even don't know.
Mother Board: ASUS P5ENSLI, with sli support and offcourse N number of things onboard.
Processor: heee hee haa haa .. Intel E6750 ie. core 2 duo 2.66 Ghz with 4 MB L2 cache and FSB of 1333(What the heck!!! man).
Hard Disk: western digital sata K series(with huge amount of buffer cache) 320 GBs
Power supply: 600 W Silver coated VIP(with two Fans)
Memory : 2 GB transcend 667 Mhz DDR2
See the Graphix Card is bigger than the Hardisk !!!!!!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Homo Intellecta
Intellectualism is one of those things that has happened to me(okay you bloody nit picker, I am not intending that to myself, but even if i am, so what, this is goddamn my blog!) . By every mean I try not to get into this intellectual thing, try to simplify every thing and get into the zone of being ordinary or general, but then there is a kick related to it. It is more like intoxication, it is more like an addiction, it comes back automatically, i don't have to even beat my eyelash.
There are several places where i often try to intellectualize things, in fact I do it to every other thing. The kind of books i read, i will try to find kind of books, which are too deeply nested and too much philosophical and consuming all my mind and conscious. I won't settle for any story or any thing lesser than a classic or something very intricate. Simple books or books every one else read won't satisfy me; no way! I cannot read this shit. These guy know nothing about literature or reading; as if, I am some Shakespeare. Next thing that come to my mind and which i will not compromise, even on the grounds that i am not an expert on subject is "Music". Everyone has its own say and taste on music, but you never kill each other during genre war. But not me. Talk about any thing that is not metal or some classic rock in front me, i will deliver half an hour lecture on why rock is so good -- no no, why rock is great? Trust me or not, but Rock is truely intellectual music. Rock stars may seem some kind of roadies but they are very very evolved intellectual being and learned musicians. But then listening to hindi melody is not that bad either, but why would i settle for that? where are the kicks, where are the surges, I don't enjoy melody or even give a damn about it. Then somebody may ask me "dammit, then why don't you listen to classical?" hmnnn.... May be I have not still attain that level.
Now there is a thing which i proclaim my self to be The King; that is BAKARchodee(I know i have promised a blog on this one, but it is still incomplete, so keep watching this space.), yes I can talk useless and senseless and non-stop. I believe i can deliver both quantity(I can bet on this one) and quality(hah... vanity). Now why conversation comes in picture here is that, no matter how hard i try, no matter to whom i talk, no matter why am i conversing, if it stretches to little longer than my threshold of pretending simple, i end up saying presumed philosophy or for that matter some "gyan spreading" , babbling facts and throwing my own opinions developed over some bias over all these years. I can not just talk for the heck of it, the belief that communication is a must and that too precise and conveying exact idea is so strongly embedded into my system that I sometimes defeat the whole purpose, just putting some fundas like usual form of intellectual bakarchodee. i don't know why? but, entire result is complicating the simple meaningful idea or data into complicated jargon and funda-filled statement(and mind it interpretation is left to receiver at to his own wits). Plain talk are none of my business.
This entire intellectual thing has spoilt me totally, every thing i do is governed by a powerful thought, a notion and moreover, only few thing which i have not dealt with may go normally or with some intuition. Otherwise, there is a precursor to everything, okay i should have talked about it, knowledge is my poison, I have strong affinity towards it. Curiosity can kill the cat, but, still i will quench my thirst for it by all means (affording serious losses sometimes). I am too much suspicious about the source, Knowledge and that too in its purest form and highly reliable; oho...why don't you go to antartica to find out how penguins pee?. You know more, you feel more equipped, but actually you have more reservations and more prejudices, than it would have without knowing and thing still worsen up with incorrect knowledge. This fear of incorrect knowledge makes me paranoid at times, i feel almost killed if some of my information is wrong. Me and my data being wrong, no way, you must be kiddin! right.
My lifestyle typically moves around everything that has something to with that intellectual thing. My clothes, i will give them a huge amount of thought and justify every reason for wearing them, (In that much time, one could have done some research on extinct animals like Archaeopteryx and added another chapter in paleontology). The kind of movies i watch should be one of those critically acclaimed stuff and must give me a food for thought, some times i had to scratch my head to understand "what is going on" and "why"? But what is the big deal if the movie doesn't give you that pain in your head. Entertainment have taken a back seat and that too for a very very long time. Food, now you will think that, :"this is injustice to one self", but yes! nothing get spared, not even food. I will try to do some research on food joint and cuisines and diets and then only eat at particular place and that too a particular kind of stuff. Phew., quite perspirating.
Now even this blog is result of all those intellectual things, resulting me to blabber uselessly and pointlessly, believing that i have created a Masterpiece of writing, every time. But yet i know this is more relieving than not saying anything at all. I know intellectualism has consumed every bit of all thing i have, but i enjoy it more than anything, yes! more than being insane or ecstatic or rhapsodic. So let it be that way and let me enjoy this shit.
There are several places where i often try to intellectualize things, in fact I do it to every other thing. The kind of books i read, i will try to find kind of books, which are too deeply nested and too much philosophical and consuming all my mind and conscious. I won't settle for any story or any thing lesser than a classic or something very intricate. Simple books or books every one else read won't satisfy me; no way! I cannot read this shit. These guy know nothing about literature or reading; as if, I am some Shakespeare. Next thing that come to my mind and which i will not compromise, even on the grounds that i am not an expert on subject is "Music". Everyone has its own say and taste on music, but you never kill each other during genre war. But not me. Talk about any thing that is not metal or some classic rock in front me, i will deliver half an hour lecture on why rock is so good -- no no, why rock is great? Trust me or not, but Rock is truely intellectual music. Rock stars may seem some kind of roadies but they are very very evolved intellectual being and learned musicians. But then listening to hindi melody is not that bad either, but why would i settle for that? where are the kicks, where are the surges, I don't enjoy melody or even give a damn about it. Then somebody may ask me "dammit, then why don't you listen to classical?" hmnnn.... May be I have not still attain that level.
Now there is a thing which i proclaim my self to be The King; that is BAKARchodee(I know i have promised a blog on this one, but it is still incomplete, so keep watching this space.), yes I can talk useless and senseless and non-stop. I believe i can deliver both quantity(I can bet on this one) and quality(hah... vanity). Now why conversation comes in picture here is that, no matter how hard i try, no matter to whom i talk, no matter why am i conversing, if it stretches to little longer than my threshold of pretending simple, i end up saying presumed philosophy or for that matter some "gyan spreading" , babbling facts and throwing my own opinions developed over some bias over all these years. I can not just talk for the heck of it, the belief that communication is a must and that too precise and conveying exact idea is so strongly embedded into my system that I sometimes defeat the whole purpose, just putting some fundas like usual form of intellectual bakarchodee. i don't know why? but, entire result is complicating the simple meaningful idea or data into complicated jargon and funda-filled statement(and mind it interpretation is left to receiver at to his own wits). Plain talk are none of my business.
This entire intellectual thing has spoilt me totally, every thing i do is governed by a powerful thought, a notion and moreover, only few thing which i have not dealt with may go normally or with some intuition. Otherwise, there is a precursor to everything, okay i should have talked about it, knowledge is my poison, I have strong affinity towards it. Curiosity can kill the cat, but, still i will quench my thirst for it by all means (affording serious losses sometimes). I am too much suspicious about the source, Knowledge and that too in its purest form and highly reliable; oho...why don't you go to antartica to find out how penguins pee?. You know more, you feel more equipped, but actually you have more reservations and more prejudices, than it would have without knowing and thing still worsen up with incorrect knowledge. This fear of incorrect knowledge makes me paranoid at times, i feel almost killed if some of my information is wrong. Me and my data being wrong, no way, you must be kiddin! right.
My lifestyle typically moves around everything that has something to with that intellectual thing. My clothes, i will give them a huge amount of thought and justify every reason for wearing them, (In that much time, one could have done some research on extinct animals like Archaeopteryx and added another chapter in paleontology). The kind of movies i watch should be one of those critically acclaimed stuff and must give me a food for thought, some times i had to scratch my head to understand "what is going on" and "why"? But what is the big deal if the movie doesn't give you that pain in your head. Entertainment have taken a back seat and that too for a very very long time. Food, now you will think that, :"this is injustice to one self", but yes! nothing get spared, not even food. I will try to do some research on food joint and cuisines and diets and then only eat at particular place and that too a particular kind of stuff. Phew., quite perspirating.
Now even this blog is result of all those intellectual things, resulting me to blabber uselessly and pointlessly, believing that i have created a Masterpiece of writing, every time. But yet i know this is more relieving than not saying anything at all. I know intellectualism has consumed every bit of all thing i have, but i enjoy it more than anything, yes! more than being insane or ecstatic or rhapsodic. So let it be that way and let me enjoy this shit.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Man against Man
Why am I being compared?
Am I a human or are I a commodity.
Life begins with being compared with other beings.... You look more like like you mom. So what do you expect should I look like? alien from pluto!
As I gained some conscious I am compared with John of Neighborhood. John get better marks than you . So what goddammit, I am no bloody John.
You have to be first in class. If I have to be first in class, what are all others suppose to be?
You are not growing tall.. look at Mrs X son he has grown so tall... Mrs X. son is particularly suffering from hormonal imbalance and has undergone a transformation better known as gigantism.
Then I compete against others of my type at all possible place and intellect believe that as competition becomes more quality improves, and better thing come into existence.
I want to be the best, paradoxically "what is best".... where does best exist. best in world, best in town, better than my friends. Nature has taught us competition at few places, but not everywhere. I am striving hard to prove that I am better than you in some terms or in all terms or may be in some other term. Just trying to prove some worthless crap!!
Humans become machine binded by criterion of some pre-designed human concepts and few of them hold the key, because they came early or found some like minded people and made a group, finally institutionalizing everything.
I often tend to become better than X number of people, but how much as human I tend to grow. How much better am I than our my own self.
I improvise because everyone else is improving. Does any form of innovation or ingenuity born out of such competition, I believe none. All great invention are constant improvement of its own self.
Categorizing people: why?
he is John Travolta look alike? or I aspire to be come Bjon Borg? Boss!!! why don't you try to become yourself first. This person is 50% something, I am being classified based on marks I obtain in my studies? Isn't this racism. Is it not equally bad as calling some me as "nigger". If I try to do things on my own or i remain self consumed you labele me as "Nerds" and even if I try to socialize, I am out casted because of that label.
You ought to do this because you father did this? why can't i find my own way and why can't i do things my way?
Ok I know systems, regulations and processes exist to make life better and easier and easily managed(now this is the whole key of the misery), but what about people? If people tend to follow process and find it miserable, should one continue with that and for sake of it get adjusted and say politely "it is nice process". These Idiosyncrasies of Process and management are converting people as nothing but productive machines, killing the man in him. Well, what is left is a clown in us often termed as "Manager".
What about me left as what I am? converting civilization as better process rather than making it loaded with Idiosyncrasies and do's and don't? Rules should make things easier and not complicate them. There should exist some form of logic and human-factor, which should govern things rather then being told what to do and how to do? Some form of agreement in terms of our human nature must exist. Running along with people to get ahead of them is not something I am born for. Gifted human beings are most destructive force of nature, which nature has produced and above all they are destroying themselves in order to prove some form of superiority, I don't know.... to whom?
Am I a human or are I a commodity.
Life begins with being compared with other beings.... You look more like like you mom. So what do you expect should I look like? alien from pluto!
As I gained some conscious I am compared with John of Neighborhood. John get better marks than you . So what goddammit, I am no bloody John.
You have to be first in class. If I have to be first in class, what are all others suppose to be?
You are not growing tall.. look at Mrs X son he has grown so tall... Mrs X. son is particularly suffering from hormonal imbalance and has undergone a transformation better known as gigantism.
Then I compete against others of my type at all possible place and intellect believe that as competition becomes more quality improves, and better thing come into existence.
I want to be the best, paradoxically "what is best".... where does best exist. best in world, best in town, better than my friends. Nature has taught us competition at few places, but not everywhere. I am striving hard to prove that I am better than you in some terms or in all terms or may be in some other term. Just trying to prove some worthless crap!!
Humans become machine binded by criterion of some pre-designed human concepts and few of them hold the key, because they came early or found some like minded people and made a group, finally institutionalizing everything.
I often tend to become better than X number of people, but how much as human I tend to grow. How much better am I than our my own self.
I improvise because everyone else is improving. Does any form of innovation or ingenuity born out of such competition, I believe none. All great invention are constant improvement of its own self.
Categorizing people: why?
he is John Travolta look alike? or I aspire to be come Bjon Borg? Boss!!! why don't you try to become yourself first. This person is 50% something, I am being classified based on marks I obtain in my studies? Isn't this racism. Is it not equally bad as calling some me as "nigger". If I try to do things on my own or i remain self consumed you labele me as "Nerds" and even if I try to socialize, I am out casted because of that label.
You ought to do this because you father did this? why can't i find my own way and why can't i do things my way?
Ok I know systems, regulations and processes exist to make life better and easier and easily managed(now this is the whole key of the misery), but what about people? If people tend to follow process and find it miserable, should one continue with that and for sake of it get adjusted and say politely "it is nice process". These Idiosyncrasies of Process and management are converting people as nothing but productive machines, killing the man in him. Well, what is left is a clown in us often termed as "Manager".
What about me left as what I am? converting civilization as better process rather than making it loaded with Idiosyncrasies and do's and don't? Rules should make things easier and not complicate them. There should exist some form of logic and human-factor, which should govern things rather then being told what to do and how to do? Some form of agreement in terms of our human nature must exist. Running along with people to get ahead of them is not something I am born for. Gifted human beings are most destructive force of nature, which nature has produced and above all they are destroying themselves in order to prove some form of superiority, I don't know.... to whom?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Randomize
I have never written a poem, but today i have to try:
Randomize my thoughts
I opened a hole.
deep inside i saw nothing
but....
i tried peeping hard to found out
what is new.
Deep inside me is the fear
the fear of losing.
I wonder what will i lose.
Can I lose my thoughts
Is this the train of thoughts ever stop....
I see meadow passing...
experiencing a celluloid of lifetime.
coming back, i see a real world..
plain and ashen like colours of my walls.
simpler although it may seems
yet, more complicated than my random thoughts.
Randomize my thoughts
I opened a hole.
deep inside i saw nothing
but....
i tried peeping hard to found out
what is new.
Deep inside me is the fear
the fear of losing.
I wonder what will i lose.
Can I lose my thoughts
Is this the train of thoughts ever stop....
I see meadow passing...
experiencing a celluloid of lifetime.
coming back, i see a real world..
plain and ashen like colours of my walls.
simpler although it may seems
yet, more complicated than my random thoughts.
Friday, March 23, 2007
The Assasination of L518
Being clueless is one of those thing, which is not very comfortable to me. Still I dwell in all those states of being clueless and more often, if i come out of that state, then I often end up being pointless. According to me bieng pointless is still worse than being clueless. Because of the irrelevance of the things to which, i ponder a lot, i come up with a train of thought, which leads to ultimately nothing. Last Night while travelling back i was listening to some song and when my stop came, i stood up in a haste. The bus was fast and i was unstable, so while coming out of my seat, i felt a certain thrust genrated by pull. Probably some part of my cloth has stuck up somewhere in the seat, but without caring much i moved on. While i was moving back to home, i saw something very shocking and i was freezed for a moment, uttering four letter word in utter fury. I started to think of ways to get it undone, but i knew that can't be undone. In my fantasies i always dream of undoing things by not doing some of the activities in past, but practically speaking, they are just like me lost in the world of comics. Now since I have grown a little maturer and with my engineering senses always on, I thought in terms of what can be done now.
I starting remembering the day when I first went to the showroom to get this pair of Levis Straus and Co. Jeans. It was my first Levis' and that too L518. To all young dudes, the most prized possesion is a rugged pair of Jean. This one was no lesser than anything I can lose. This was a rugged vintage jeans, which has many signs of it being made specially for me. I have been wearing it for around two years and now it has taken a form, which makes it unloseable. I always thought that it is one of those few impregnable things, which i possess. While it stood by my side all the time, my good times and very much in my bad times. It has been to filthiest places to most poshe places, I know of. It was symbol of my being an ardent man, not giving up, but fighting hard to my own beliefs. Jeans are not Jeans they are cults to them selves, some times they represent revolt, sometimes attitude and mostly they represent nothing but arrogance.
Not manier times I think of losses as losses, but as my mistake, which if scrutinized strictly can be rectified. But getting my L518 torn is not such a forgettable loss. I wonder, what had made my such barbaric act of killing my own beloved possesion. They big scar on her face was much more than I can stand. It is left open in such a prominent place that it is mostly unmendable. "What not to do?" is what i am thinking? Life is to move on even if your pair of Levis is killed.
I starting remembering the day when I first went to the showroom to get this pair of Levis Straus and Co. Jeans. It was my first Levis' and that too L518. To all young dudes, the most prized possesion is a rugged pair of Jean. This one was no lesser than anything I can lose. This was a rugged vintage jeans, which has many signs of it being made specially for me. I have been wearing it for around two years and now it has taken a form, which makes it unloseable. I always thought that it is one of those few impregnable things, which i possess. While it stood by my side all the time, my good times and very much in my bad times. It has been to filthiest places to most poshe places, I know of. It was symbol of my being an ardent man, not giving up, but fighting hard to my own beliefs. Jeans are not Jeans they are cults to them selves, some times they represent revolt, sometimes attitude and mostly they represent nothing but arrogance.
Not manier times I think of losses as losses, but as my mistake, which if scrutinized strictly can be rectified. But getting my L518 torn is not such a forgettable loss. I wonder, what had made my such barbaric act of killing my own beloved possesion. They big scar on her face was much more than I can stand. It is left open in such a prominent place that it is mostly unmendable. "What not to do?" is what i am thinking? Life is to move on even if your pair of Levis is killed.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Typical weekends
My weekends are typical. Why? Because they are typical.
This is 16:00 hrs Friday evening and i will fire a mail : hey dood are you coming to my place.
So i will get a reply which may be yes or there is no reply at all: that means he is not coming.
Some how i just leave the company thinking, "Please god there should be no last minute assignment."
God sometimes says, "Son have fun this weekend"
or
My lead says " Anuz, we have a release tomorrow" and I say, "Oh No".
Some how if god had mercy on me weekend goes great.
They will ask, " hey by what time are you reaching?'
Me: "unhhhhhhhh.......... i will tell you as soon as i leave".
Okay so here I am leaving for the day, "yippee, don't have to come for next two days".
Me: "which movie are we suppose to watch,....... no not this one. "
They: "Okay so what else do you want to see?"
Me: " Let see this one, but i am not sure as we will be able to get the tickets."
We just leave for the theatre, without giving much thought about tickets.
At theatre we have same type of conversation every time.
He: " Man, Is he(the one who was invited by the mail) coming."
Me:(This time) "yeah, this asshole has to be invited every time, i will go and get three tickets"
now as i am trying to get tickets. My cell starts ringing.
Me: "where are you Maaadar(that means mother fucker)"?
He told me that he will be coming in next 20 minutes.
Now we two are waiting and looking around.
Me: hey dood, look she is fukin hawt.
He: nahin yaar she is shit.
now, i am silent, cursing my self for the pathetic sense of rating chics.
He: Look, Man that's what you call a hottie, a real hottie.
Me:(With eyes wide open) yeah, i just want her, at least once.
Mean while this other lazy fellow arrives.
Me: Let's get inside.
They: wait man, let me finish my cigarette.
We are inside the theater and now begins the storm of demonic laughter, everyone is staring at us, as to what the hell are we doing?
Me: man, next month this movie is releasing and i am going to come and watch this movie for sure.
One of them: Motherfucker, you are watching every other movie, and to all boring movie, you just say, that it was a good movie.
Me: WTF, man i only say a movie is good, only when it is good. Anyway you have no sense of movies.
Other one: Looking at some other poster, man, i am just waiting for spiderman to release, and my roommate, he is so mad about this movie, he has been counting the number of days for spiderman 3 release.
Me: I have to watch spiderman with my brother. As per tradition me and my brother always watch spiderman together and that too in Gwalior(My home town).
First one: Hey guys you know rat(nick name of some one) has made a new funti(Girl friend).
Me: Fuck Man, he is a lucky bustard.
Other: hunn.. he is good in making funties.
Me: oye, take out the tickets man.
We are inside the hall and we are the only people, who are laughing apparently for no good reason. We are still chating, consequently annoying others. As soon as the trailer of a new movie is shown on the screen, we starts yelling and starts clapping as if we are some 4 year old.
As the intermission approaches, one of us starts cursing the movie.
The other guy: What a fuckin boring movie?
Me: Whatever, look at babe man she is hawt and her funta(Boy Friend) is a moron. Yaar, why such hot babes are always with such morons and doods like us are roaming around with people like you.
First one: Dood, our time is near.
Me: we will keep on saying this for ever.
Then we start making really nasty comment about all the babes in theater.
Movie restarts and after that till we reach back home we are mostly silent or talking only what is important.
The First Guy: see you tomorrow at 10.
Me: yeah, bye.
Somehow struggling with myself i wake up and reach gym. Since this is a holiday, i can see yoga classes going on. Oh..... there she is, the real pretty chick with sexy vitals. I try hard to avoid getting caught by aunties in gym, while staring the babe. I don't understand, what the hell are they doing in gym. They are not even letting me stare the only babe in gym. Anyway, i finished workouts in gym, wondering when will i lift those heavy dumbbells of 20+ pounds. Every time i see those heavy dudes lifting dumbbell of 25 pounds each in both arms, my tongue starts rolling back and my mouth become dry.
I then leave for breakfast with my friend. Believe it or not for us it is religion to have breakfast at vahuman cafe.
Although cafe is an old cafe with old infrastructure, doesn't look like something grand. But this cafe is run by a Parsee uncle and kind of English breakfast they serve is fuking awesome.
We have a standard place to sit near window, which is at the last of the cafe. The point of sitting near window is that we can see everyone in cafe and if there is some hottie, then it is a perfectly located strategic location.
We orders typically same breakfast everytime we come.
Me: Man I just love this cheese toast, fuckin awesome man.
He: dood, this satish(waiter) is such a busy man getting him at our table like scheduling process in an OS(operating system, typical jargon engineer use.)
Me: yeah, it is so.
Him: hey man, don't you think in our group also few people are choclatee(Pause: now the defintion of choclatee, requires a dedicated new blog).
Me: Yeah, they could have been choclatee, but all of them have that worm of bakar(Gossiping around, okay this also require a blog , keep watching the space.) inside them , so they have fallen along with us.
He: True.
Now we are silent for some time, which is little unusual.
Me: what are we going to do after this.
Him: Let's see, let me smoke, then only i can think better.
Me: We can watch a movie in my flat.
Him: What all movies you have.
Me: Many.
Him: Motherfucker, name some of them.
Me: Blah blah blah.
Him: okay so we can watch this one.
Me: okay.
We leave the table, this is still the Saturday after noon. We have word with uncle, who is a parsee and owner of cafe, although he is old, but he crack all kind of non-veg jokes so beware.
Sometimes my action are just like that. While i was waiting for my friend to get his bike. I was looking at this bike, a very old Luna.
Him: you know this legendary vehicle belong to uncle.
Me: hmnnn...
I took out my cell and took a snap of the Luna. My friend was smiling at all this incident. He would be thinking in his mind, "what a useless bugger is he", but that does not deter me from doing all this.
Back home, i had one more business to mind, washing my clothes. This is such a nemesis for me. My entire day is engaged in washing clothes. Some body suggested to keep a maid, but maids are such a nuisance, that i just hate to have one.
On my PC heavy metal is playing; while washing my clothes i am singing along with my old speakers, which sounds horrible with the kind of music i play.(okay they are always horrible.)
Meanwhile my cell starts ringing. We will then have lunch while discussing all the genres of rock and gigs and Metal and chics and every damn other thing which exists.
I will go and sleep in my room after lunch and when i wake up, we are planning where to have booze and dinner.
Him: Oye, You know he(some of our friend) is also coming for dinner.
Me: so where are we going?
Him: Yaar, he want us to come somewhere near adlabs(a theatre).
Me: Great, Then let's move.
Now, here we are sitting in a bar and a restaurant, with three other people.
One of them: dood, You should have a beer.
Me: no, not rite now.
Other: guys, i have only one wish and that is to have beer with him(i.e. Me).
Now here at this point i have to be diplomatic and sensitive, i don't want to hurt any of these guys by saying that drinking sux, which i say every other time. but this was not the rite time. so to change the topic.
Me: hey dood, you went to your place, are your parents trying to get a girl for you.
now everyone else has chance to fuck this guy, so everyone is alert.
Other guy: Man he is getting old, he should get married.
Him: no, there is nothing like that.
Me: Motherfucker, you sleep in every other party, you have grown too old, get married soon, otherwise you will not get a girl.
Him: (typical tone), don't worry i will get married.
This goes on till 11 in the night. Meanwhile we will also have some intellectual discussion(at least we think so.).
Next day morning also all the things repeat in same manner, that is going to gym and vohuman. But after vohuman, we again plan to watch movie. But movie is at 3:00 pm and it is 12:00 pm so what to do in the mean time?
Me: Let's go to central(a shopping mall).
Him: what will we do there? Motherfucker, are you going to shag there?(he is laughin with his ass off)
Me: We will buy something.
Him: I don't have have to buy anything for now. Do you want to buy something?
Me: Nothing for sure, but will be good time pass.
Him: okay let's go.
We then just keep trying number of clothes and this discussion and that discussion going on all the time non-stop inside the mall. His cell rings and that's the signal that other guys are waiting at theatre for us. So we leave Central without buying anything.(that's what we do when we go to malls)
At theatre again!!! some people wonder how much movies do we watch? I told those people, we can watch four movies back to back in a single day, we are just crazy about movies.
Now again the conversation begin. This time we are four of us and 4th one is my roommate.
One of them: This theater is a rage. the best of chics of this city comes here.
My roomie: You know, there is a new bom-shell in our company in development team, but she is married.
One of them: Asshole, why the fuck do you keep tell stories of these married women to us?
My roomie: Yaar ,she is hot and i just can' t help stop noticing.
Me: Mother fucker, Leave her apart. Let's look that hottie in white top.
Again, we start talking all forms of nasty things about her and start laughing (in fact roaring) outside the hall.
After some time we are inside theatre watching this movie. This movie came out to be total bullshit.
Me: what the fuck ? This is the worst movie i have ever scene.
Other Fellow: This is an utter peice of shit. What is it that they want to show?
Me: There is no art, no good dialogues, no plot , just load of big star, no story, loads of hype. Fuck man! wasted 150 bucks.
Now the entire time goes criticizing the movie, and the aunties and uncles sitting near us getting irritated becoz we have started fuckin this movie, but we never bother.
Some how movie finished, now i am yawing like anything, all my energy is sucked. I am thinking "what a waste, man".
Suddenly some one says: Where are we going for lunch?
One of them: Let's go to nandu's(some cafe).
Me: we can better go to chaitanya(another cafe).
all other agree to this one easily.
We had lunch at this cafe and we all are mostly quite, since the movie was such a shit. No one want to speak. We return back and i go to sleep.
This is Sunday evening. not many of them(i.e. my friend ) are fond of this time, since next 5 days are not going to be fun. Well in the evening again, at least one of them will visit my room. And this time this one is my junior.
Him: Sir, Do you have any new movie.
Me: No dood.
Him: Sir, bring one.
Me: dood, not in a mood to bring one.
Him: and Sir, how is your gym going on.
Me: fucking good man.
Him: I don't see any change.(now he is having a good chance to laugh at me).
Me:(without any interest) i have gained some weight.
Him: you are becoming a fat-ass.
Me: Motherfucker, don't you have anything else to do.
Him: No.
Him: why are you getting senti(short form of sentimental, meaning angry here).
Me: Asshole, you had nothing else but to do all this bakarchodee(meaning useless gossip here).
He: no sir, I just love pulling your leg.
Entire time he is trying to some how fuck me(not literally, but verbally). Now i have to give a excuse that since he is junior, i just can't do the same, we used to do same with our seniors, so this is just a return of favor.
Now this is eleven o'clock the great weekend has come to an end. I am thinking that i have wasted two days, may be i have read something. Now i am lost in my thoughts and wandering aimlessly inside my mind. And next day i am up for office again.
This is 16:00 hrs Friday evening and i will fire a mail : hey dood are you coming to my place.
So i will get a reply which may be yes or there is no reply at all: that means he is not coming.
Some how i just leave the company thinking, "Please god there should be no last minute assignment."
God sometimes says, "Son have fun this weekend"
or
My lead says " Anuz, we have a release tomorrow" and I say, "Oh No".
Some how if god had mercy on me weekend goes great.
They will ask, " hey by what time are you reaching?'
Me: "unhhhhhhhh.......... i will tell you as soon as i leave".
Okay so here I am leaving for the day, "yippee, don't have to come for next two days".
Me: "which movie are we suppose to watch,....... no not this one. "
They: "Okay so what else do you want to see?"
Me: " Let see this one, but i am not sure as we will be able to get the tickets."
We just leave for the theatre, without giving much thought about tickets.
At theatre we have same type of conversation every time.
He: " Man, Is he(the one who was invited by the mail) coming."
Me:(This time) "yeah, this asshole has to be invited every time, i will go and get three tickets"
now as i am trying to get tickets. My cell starts ringing.
Me: "where are you Maaadar(that means mother fucker)"?
He told me that he will be coming in next 20 minutes.
Now we two are waiting and looking around.
Me: hey dood, look she is fukin hawt.
He: nahin yaar she is shit.
now, i am silent, cursing my self for the pathetic sense of rating chics.
He: Look, Man that's what you call a hottie, a real hottie.
Me:(With eyes wide open) yeah, i just want her, at least once.
Mean while this other lazy fellow arrives.
Me: Let's get inside.
They: wait man, let me finish my cigarette.
We are inside the theater and now begins the storm of demonic laughter, everyone is staring at us, as to what the hell are we doing?
Me: man, next month this movie is releasing and i am going to come and watch this movie for sure.
One of them: Motherfucker, you are watching every other movie, and to all boring movie, you just say, that it was a good movie.
Me: WTF, man i only say a movie is good, only when it is good. Anyway you have no sense of movies.
Other one: Looking at some other poster, man, i am just waiting for spiderman to release, and my roommate, he is so mad about this movie, he has been counting the number of days for spiderman 3 release.
Me: I have to watch spiderman with my brother. As per tradition me and my brother always watch spiderman together and that too in Gwalior(My home town).
First one: Hey guys you know rat(nick name of some one) has made a new funti(Girl friend).
Me: Fuck Man, he is a lucky bustard.
Other: hunn.. he is good in making funties.
Me: oye, take out the tickets man.
We are inside the hall and we are the only people, who are laughing apparently for no good reason. We are still chating, consequently annoying others. As soon as the trailer of a new movie is shown on the screen, we starts yelling and starts clapping as if we are some 4 year old.
As the intermission approaches, one of us starts cursing the movie.
The other guy: What a fuckin boring movie?
Me: Whatever, look at babe man she is hawt and her funta(Boy Friend) is a moron. Yaar, why such hot babes are always with such morons and doods like us are roaming around with people like you.
First one: Dood, our time is near.
Me: we will keep on saying this for ever.
Then we start making really nasty comment about all the babes in theater.
Movie restarts and after that till we reach back home we are mostly silent or talking only what is important.
The First Guy: see you tomorrow at 10.
Me: yeah, bye.
Somehow struggling with myself i wake up and reach gym. Since this is a holiday, i can see yoga classes going on. Oh..... there she is, the real pretty chick with sexy vitals. I try hard to avoid getting caught by aunties in gym, while staring the babe. I don't understand, what the hell are they doing in gym. They are not even letting me stare the only babe in gym. Anyway, i finished workouts in gym, wondering when will i lift those heavy dumbbells of 20+ pounds. Every time i see those heavy dudes lifting dumbbell of 25 pounds each in both arms, my tongue starts rolling back and my mouth become dry.
I then leave for breakfast with my friend. Believe it or not for us it is religion to have breakfast at vahuman cafe.
Although cafe is an old cafe with old infrastructure, doesn't look like something grand. But this cafe is run by a Parsee uncle and kind of English breakfast they serve is fuking awesome.
We have a standard place to sit near window, which is at the last of the cafe. The point of sitting near window is that we can see everyone in cafe and if there is some hottie, then it is a perfectly located strategic location.
We orders typically same breakfast everytime we come.
Me: Man I just love this cheese toast, fuckin awesome man.
He: dood, this satish(waiter) is such a busy man getting him at our table like scheduling process in an OS(operating system, typical jargon engineer use.)
Me: yeah, it is so.
Him: hey man, don't you think in our group also few people are choclatee(Pause: now the defintion of choclatee, requires a dedicated new blog).
Me: Yeah, they could have been choclatee, but all of them have that worm of bakar(Gossiping around, okay this also require a blog , keep watching the space.) inside them , so they have fallen along with us.
He: True.
Now we are silent for some time, which is little unusual.
Me: what are we going to do after this.
Him: Let's see, let me smoke, then only i can think better.
Me: We can watch a movie in my flat.
Him: What all movies you have.
Me: Many.
Him: Motherfucker, name some of them.
Me: Blah blah blah.
Him: okay so we can watch this one.
Me: okay.
We leave the table, this is still the Saturday after noon. We have word with uncle, who is a parsee and owner of cafe, although he is old, but he crack all kind of non-veg jokes so beware.
Sometimes my action are just like that. While i was waiting for my friend to get his bike. I was looking at this bike, a very old Luna.
Him: you know this legendary vehicle belong to uncle.
Me: hmnnn...
I took out my cell and took a snap of the Luna. My friend was smiling at all this incident. He would be thinking in his mind, "what a useless bugger is he", but that does not deter me from doing all this.
Back home, i had one more business to mind, washing my clothes. This is such a nemesis for me. My entire day is engaged in washing clothes. Some body suggested to keep a maid, but maids are such a nuisance, that i just hate to have one.
On my PC heavy metal is playing; while washing my clothes i am singing along with my old speakers, which sounds horrible with the kind of music i play.(okay they are always horrible.)
Meanwhile my cell starts ringing. We will then have lunch while discussing all the genres of rock and gigs and Metal and chics and every damn other thing which exists.
I will go and sleep in my room after lunch and when i wake up, we are planning where to have booze and dinner.
Him: Oye, You know he(some of our friend) is also coming for dinner.
Me: so where are we going?
Him: Yaar, he want us to come somewhere near adlabs(a theatre).
Me: Great, Then let's move.
Now, here we are sitting in a bar and a restaurant, with three other people.
One of them: dood, You should have a beer.
Me: no, not rite now.
Other: guys, i have only one wish and that is to have beer with him(i.e. Me).
Now here at this point i have to be diplomatic and sensitive, i don't want to hurt any of these guys by saying that drinking sux, which i say every other time. but this was not the rite time. so to change the topic.
Me: hey dood, you went to your place, are your parents trying to get a girl for you.
now everyone else has chance to fuck this guy, so everyone is alert.
Other guy: Man he is getting old, he should get married.
Him: no, there is nothing like that.
Me: Motherfucker, you sleep in every other party, you have grown too old, get married soon, otherwise you will not get a girl.
Him: (typical tone), don't worry i will get married.
This goes on till 11 in the night. Meanwhile we will also have some intellectual discussion(at least we think so.).
Next day morning also all the things repeat in same manner, that is going to gym and vohuman. But after vohuman, we again plan to watch movie. But movie is at 3:00 pm and it is 12:00 pm so what to do in the mean time?
Me: Let's go to central(a shopping mall).
Him: what will we do there? Motherfucker, are you going to shag there?(he is laughin with his ass off)
Me: We will buy something.
Him: I don't have have to buy anything for now. Do you want to buy something?
Me: Nothing for sure, but will be good time pass.
Him: okay let's go.
We then just keep trying number of clothes and this discussion and that discussion going on all the time non-stop inside the mall. His cell rings and that's the signal that other guys are waiting at theatre for us. So we leave Central without buying anything.(that's what we do when we go to malls)
At theatre again!!! some people wonder how much movies do we watch? I told those people, we can watch four movies back to back in a single day, we are just crazy about movies.
Now again the conversation begin. This time we are four of us and 4th one is my roommate.
One of them: This theater is a rage. the best of chics of this city comes here.
My roomie: You know, there is a new bom-shell in our company in development team, but she is married.
One of them: Asshole, why the fuck do you keep tell stories of these married women to us?
My roomie: Yaar ,she is hot and i just can' t help stop noticing.
Me: Mother fucker, Leave her apart. Let's look that hottie in white top.
Again, we start talking all forms of nasty things about her and start laughing (in fact roaring) outside the hall.
After some time we are inside theatre watching this movie. This movie came out to be total bullshit.
Me: what the fuck ? This is the worst movie i have ever scene.
Other Fellow: This is an utter peice of shit. What is it that they want to show?
Me: There is no art, no good dialogues, no plot , just load of big star, no story, loads of hype. Fuck man! wasted 150 bucks.
Now the entire time goes criticizing the movie, and the aunties and uncles sitting near us getting irritated becoz we have started fuckin this movie, but we never bother.
Some how movie finished, now i am yawing like anything, all my energy is sucked. I am thinking "what a waste, man".
Suddenly some one says: Where are we going for lunch?
One of them: Let's go to nandu's(some cafe).
Me: we can better go to chaitanya(another cafe).
all other agree to this one easily.
We had lunch at this cafe and we all are mostly quite, since the movie was such a shit. No one want to speak. We return back and i go to sleep.
This is Sunday evening. not many of them(i.e. my friend ) are fond of this time, since next 5 days are not going to be fun. Well in the evening again, at least one of them will visit my room. And this time this one is my junior.
Him: Sir, Do you have any new movie.
Me: No dood.
Him: Sir, bring one.
Me: dood, not in a mood to bring one.
Him: and Sir, how is your gym going on.
Me: fucking good man.
Him: I don't see any change.(now he is having a good chance to laugh at me).
Me:(without any interest) i have gained some weight.
Him: you are becoming a fat-ass.
Me: Motherfucker, don't you have anything else to do.
Him: No.
Him: why are you getting senti(short form of sentimental, meaning angry here).
Me: Asshole, you had nothing else but to do all this bakarchodee(meaning useless gossip here).
He: no sir, I just love pulling your leg.
Entire time he is trying to some how fuck me(not literally, but verbally). Now i have to give a excuse that since he is junior, i just can't do the same, we used to do same with our seniors, so this is just a return of favor.
Now this is eleven o'clock the great weekend has come to an end. I am thinking that i have wasted two days, may be i have read something. Now i am lost in my thoughts and wandering aimlessly inside my mind. And next day i am up for office again.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
My self
It is highly difficult to describe myself in a coherent manner. And here i am presuming, mostly people think so.
I am confused and always want to do thing, which i want to do. Well I am afraid of consequences, but not always, depending upon the severity of what am i doing?
Enough of this useless crap, i can say i am a thinker(hah... that's what i do the whole time). Think, think and think, the entire time and output........., i am afraid to say is hardly anything. And sometimes i wonder "why do i think so much?", but everyone else i know also thinks too much. Since I ought to think that, i am only bugged my myself; No it's not, its every other human being, who experience the same.
Secondly, i am a moody person, yes i am impulsive, i tend to acquire thing just in one single sweep. Why am i such a go getter? I just can't predict anything, all my prediction are always wrong all the time.
My favorite time pass is Saying what i want to just say ......... i.e. giving knowledge to others, which is hardly complete and insufficient.
Anyway when everyone else is doing the same , how can i be the last?
My passions......... Knowledge.........know everything and anything...... materializing two thing get zeroed down as for now........ROCK and programming in LINUX.
I do not know why i continued blogs again? But then I always think that ,i am hell of a writer, by now one would have realized, how lousy i am ? but that is not going to deter me anyway from writing(hah.... this is one more quality of mine).
I am confused and always want to do thing, which i want to do. Well I am afraid of consequences, but not always, depending upon the severity of what am i doing?
Enough of this useless crap, i can say i am a thinker(hah... that's what i do the whole time). Think, think and think, the entire time and output........., i am afraid to say is hardly anything. And sometimes i wonder "why do i think so much?", but everyone else i know also thinks too much. Since I ought to think that, i am only bugged my myself; No it's not, its every other human being, who experience the same.
Secondly, i am a moody person, yes i am impulsive, i tend to acquire thing just in one single sweep. Why am i such a go getter? I just can't predict anything, all my prediction are always wrong all the time.
My favorite time pass is Saying what i want to just say ......... i.e. giving knowledge to others, which is hardly complete and insufficient.
Anyway when everyone else is doing the same , how can i be the last?
My passions......... Knowledge.........know everything and anything...... materializing two thing get zeroed down as for now........ROCK and programming in LINUX.
I do not know why i continued blogs again? But then I always think that ,i am hell of a writer, by now one would have realized, how lousy i am ? but that is not going to deter me anyway from writing(hah.... this is one more quality of mine).
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