Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Typical weekends

My weekends are typical. Why? Because they are typical.
This is 16:00 hrs Friday evening and i will fire a mail : hey dood are you coming to my place.
So i will get a reply which may be yes or there is no reply at all: that means he is not coming.

Some how i just leave the company thinking, "Please god there should be no last minute assignment."
God sometimes says, "Son have fun this weekend"
My lead says " Anuz, we have a release tomorrow" and I say, "Oh No".

Some how if god had mercy on me weekend goes great.

They will ask, " hey by what time are you reaching?'
Me: "unhhhhhhhh.......... i will tell you as soon as i leave".

Okay so here I am leaving for the day, "yippee, don't have to come for next two days".

Me: "which movie are we suppose to watch,....... no not this one. "
They: "Okay so what else do you want to see?"
Me: " Let see this one, but i am not sure as we will be able to get the tickets."

We just leave for the theatre, without giving much thought about tickets.
At theatre we have same type of conversation every time.

He: " Man, Is he(the one who was invited by the mail) coming."
Me:(This time) "yeah, this asshole has to be invited every time, i will go and get three tickets"

now as i am trying to get tickets. My cell starts ringing.
Me: "where are you Maaadar(that means mother fucker)"?

He told me that he will be coming in next 20 minutes.
Now we two are waiting and looking around.
Me: hey dood, look she is fukin hawt.
He: nahin yaar she is shit.
now, i am silent, cursing my self for the pathetic sense of rating chics.

He: Look, Man that's what you call a hottie, a real hottie.
Me:(With eyes wide open) yeah, i just want her, at least once.

Mean while this other lazy fellow arrives.
Me: Let's get inside.
They: wait man, let me finish my cigarette.

We are inside the theater and now begins the storm of demonic laughter, everyone is staring at us, as to what the hell are we doing?

Me: man, next month this movie is releasing and i am going to come and watch this movie for sure.
One of them: Motherfucker, you are watching every other movie, and to all boring movie, you just say, that it was a good movie.
Me: WTF, man i only say a movie is good, only when it is good. Anyway you have no sense of movies.
Other one: Looking at some other poster, man, i am just waiting for spiderman to release, and my roommate, he is so mad about this movie, he has been counting the number of days for spiderman 3 release.
Me: I have to watch spiderman with my brother. As per tradition me and my brother always watch spiderman together and that too in Gwalior(My home town).
First one: Hey guys you know rat(nick name of some one) has made a new funti(Girl friend).
Me: Fuck Man, he is a lucky bustard.
Other: hunn.. he is good in making funties.

Me: oye, take out the tickets man.

We are inside the hall and we are the only people, who are laughing apparently for no good reason. We are still chating, consequently annoying others. As soon as the trailer of a new movie is shown on the screen, we starts yelling and starts clapping as if we are some 4 year old.

As the intermission approaches, one of us starts cursing the movie.
The other guy: What a fuckin boring movie?
Me: Whatever, look at babe man she is hawt and her funta(Boy Friend) is a moron. Yaar, why such hot babes are always with such morons and doods like us are roaming around with people like you.
First one: Dood, our time is near.
Me: we will keep on saying this for ever.
Then we start making really nasty comment about all the babes in theater.
Movie restarts and after that till we reach back home we are mostly silent or talking only what is important.

The First Guy: see you tomorrow at 10.
Me: yeah, bye.

Somehow struggling with myself i wake up and reach gym. Since this is a holiday, i can see yoga classes going on. Oh..... there she is, the real pretty chick with sexy vitals. I try hard to avoid getting caught by aunties in gym, while staring the babe. I don't understand, what the hell are they doing in gym. They are not even letting me stare the only babe in gym. Anyway, i finished workouts in gym, wondering when will i lift those heavy dumbbells of 20+ pounds. Every time i see those heavy dudes lifting dumbbell of 25 pounds each in both arms, my tongue starts rolling back and my mouth become dry.

I then leave for breakfast with my friend. Believe it or not for us it is religion to have breakfast at vahuman cafe.
Although cafe is an old cafe with old infrastructure, doesn't look like something grand. But this cafe is run by a Parsee uncle and kind of English breakfast they serve is fuking awesome.
We have a standard place to sit near window, which is at the last of the cafe. The point of sitting near window is that we can see everyone in cafe and if there is some hottie, then it is a perfectly located strategic location.

We orders typically same breakfast everytime we come.
Me: Man I just love this cheese toast, fuckin awesome man.
He: dood, this satish(waiter) is such a busy man getting him at our table like scheduling process in an OS(operating system, typical jargon engineer use.)
Me: yeah, it is so.
Him: hey man, don't you think in our group also few people are choclatee(Pause: now the defintion of choclatee, requires a dedicated new blog).
Me: Yeah, they could have been choclatee, but all of them have that worm of bakar(Gossiping around, okay this also require a blog , keep watching the space.) inside them , so they have fallen along with us.
He: True.
Now we are silent for some time, which is little unusual.

Me: what are we going to do after this.
Him: Let's see, let me smoke, then only i can think better.
Me: We can watch a movie in my flat.
Him: What all movies you have.
Me: Many.
Him: Motherfucker, name some of them.
Me: Blah blah blah.
Him: okay so we can watch this one.
Me: okay.

We leave the table, this is still the Saturday after noon. We have word with uncle, who is a parsee and owner of cafe, although he is old, but he crack all kind of non-veg jokes so beware.
Sometimes my action are just like that. While i was waiting for my friend to get his bike. I was looking at this bike, a very old Luna.
Him: you know this legendary vehicle belong to uncle.
Me: hmnnn...
I took out my cell and took a snap of the Luna. My friend was smiling at all this incident. He would be thinking in his mind, "what a useless bugger is he", but that does not deter me from doing all this.

Back home, i had one more business to mind, washing my clothes. This is such a nemesis for me. My entire day is engaged in washing clothes. Some body suggested to keep a maid, but maids are such a nuisance, that i just hate to have one.
On my PC heavy metal is playing; while washing my clothes i am singing along with my old speakers, which sounds horrible with the kind of music i play.(okay they are always horrible.)

Meanwhile my cell starts ringing. We will then have lunch while discussing all the genres of rock and gigs and Metal and chics and every damn other thing which exists.
I will go and sleep in my room after lunch and when i wake up, we are planning where to have booze and dinner.
Him: Oye, You know he(some of our friend) is also coming for dinner.
Me: so where are we going?
Him: Yaar, he want us to come somewhere near adlabs(a theatre).
Me: Great, Then let's move.

Now, here we are sitting in a bar and a restaurant, with three other people.
One of them: dood, You should have a beer.
Me: no, not rite now.
Other: guys, i have only one wish and that is to have beer with him(i.e. Me).
Now here at this point i have to be diplomatic and sensitive, i don't want to hurt any of these guys by saying that drinking sux, which i say every other time. but this was not the rite time. so to change the topic.
Me: hey dood, you went to your place, are your parents trying to get a girl for you.
now everyone else has chance to fuck this guy, so everyone is alert.
Other guy: Man he is getting old, he should get married.
Him: no, there is nothing like that.
Me: Motherfucker, you sleep in every other party, you have grown too old, get married soon, otherwise you will not get a girl.
Him: (typical tone), don't worry i will get married.

This goes on till 11 in the night. Meanwhile we will also have some intellectual discussion(at least we think so.).

Next day morning also all the things repeat in same manner, that is going to gym and vohuman. But after vohuman, we again plan to watch movie. But movie is at 3:00 pm and it is 12:00 pm so what to do in the mean time?
Me: Let's go to central(a shopping mall).
Him: what will we do there? Motherfucker, are you going to shag there?(he is laughin with his ass off)
Me: We will buy something.
Him: I don't have have to buy anything for now. Do you want to buy something?
Me: Nothing for sure, but will be good time pass.
Him: okay let's go.

We then just keep trying number of clothes and this discussion and that discussion going on all the time non-stop inside the mall. His cell rings and that's the signal that other guys are waiting at theatre for us. So we leave Central without buying anything.(that's what we do when we go to malls)

At theatre again!!! some people wonder how much movies do we watch? I told those people, we can watch four movies back to back in a single day, we are just crazy about movies.

Now again the conversation begin. This time we are four of us and 4th one is my roommate.
One of them: This theater is a rage. the best of chics of this city comes here.
My roomie: You know, there is a new bom-shell in our company in development team, but she is married.
One of them: Asshole, why the fuck do you keep tell stories of these married women to us?
My roomie: Yaar ,she is hot and i just can' t help stop noticing.
Me: Mother fucker, Leave her apart. Let's look that hottie in white top.
Again, we start talking all forms of nasty things about her and start laughing (in fact roaring) outside the hall.
After some time we are inside theatre watching this movie. This movie came out to be total bullshit.
Me: what the fuck ? This is the worst movie i have ever scene.
Other Fellow: This is an utter peice of shit. What is it that they want to show?
Me: There is no art, no good dialogues, no plot , just load of big star, no story, loads of hype. Fuck man! wasted 150 bucks.

Now the entire time goes criticizing the movie, and the aunties and uncles sitting near us getting irritated becoz we have started fuckin this movie, but we never bother.
Some how movie finished, now i am yawing like anything, all my energy is sucked. I am thinking "what a waste, man".
Suddenly some one says: Where are we going for lunch?
One of them: Let's go to nandu's(some cafe).
Me: we can better go to chaitanya(another cafe).
all other agree to this one easily.

We had lunch at this cafe and we all are mostly quite, since the movie was such a shit. No one want to speak. We return back and i go to sleep.

This is Sunday evening. not many of them(i.e. my friend ) are fond of this time, since next 5 days are not going to be fun. Well in the evening again, at least one of them will visit my room. And this time this one is my junior.

Him: Sir, Do you have any new movie.
Me: No dood.
Him: Sir, bring one.
Me: dood, not in a mood to bring one.
Him: and Sir, how is your gym going on.
Me: fucking good man.
Him: I don't see any change.(now he is having a good chance to laugh at me).
Me:(without any interest) i have gained some weight.
Him: you are becoming a fat-ass.
Me: Motherfucker, don't you have anything else to do.
Him: No.
Him: why are you getting senti(short form of sentimental, meaning angry here).
Me: Asshole, you had nothing else but to do all this bakarchodee(meaning useless gossip here).
He: no sir, I just love pulling your leg.
Entire time he is trying to some how fuck me(not literally, but verbally). Now i have to give a excuse that since he is junior, i just can't do the same, we used to do same with our seniors, so this is just a return of favor.

Now this is eleven o'clock the great weekend has come to an end. I am thinking that i have wasted two days, may be i have read something. Now i am lost in my thoughts and wandering aimlessly inside my mind. And next day i am up for office again.


Anonymous said...

Ho ho ho...that was an amazing peice of writing on amazing things we do on weekends ...

amit said...

same here dude..like has become so aimless..time pass karte rehte hain..

Venkster said...

Blissfully mundane and weirdly comical...the subtle criticism and satire is not wasted (if implied)