The Fuck Known as YOU PEE

Uttar Pradesh is largest state in india in terms of population, political activity, natural resources, religious importance and many such things. This was a state of great learning and spirituality, the epicenter of Indian culture.
While traveling back from Faizabad, we headed to Gonda, a small town to catch some train to Jhansi, we had a fine reservation, waiting for us there, but inevitable was to happen. So at this small station we were waiting for this train, which was getting delayed and delayed and delayed. So, left with no choice, we headed to Lucknow, with some other train, weather was drenchingly humid. But all was well till now, real havoc begun at Nuklow, there was not a single train to Jhansi till 4? What to do now? catch a bus to Kanpur! All ritie. A neat Air conditioned bus, kool. But the light at the end of tunnel was not the light of another bus from Kanpur.
Sorry folks, but kanpur is one of worst cities in this country, dirty and chaotic. We had hard time finding a bus, the only bus we could find was from Kanpur to Orai. The bus was so much loaded that even breathing was getting difficult. And since that was not enough some folks started quarrelling over seats; So now u knew that u are in U.P. The highway was pathetic and bus was dead slow. The journey from Kanpur to Orai, looked like eternity.
Finally we touched Orai, which looked like some city with black out for years. Entire city was shady and scaring shit out of us. We rushed to station, where we got some train(Lucknow Chennai mail) and finally arrived at Jhansi.
But all these efforts were futile, this is 00:00 hrs and our train has left this station at 21:00 hrs. I was damn sleepy, because of having literally no sleep for past 3 days and all this fuck.
Thankfully we managed to get some modifications done to our tickets and boarded some train, which was empty, so we finally had some sleep. We reached Daund in the evening next day, again we took another bus to Pune, this one also sucked big time, but till midnite we reached home. This journey has sent a wave of fear in the mind of sapota as soon as he hears the word U.P.

Danced till respiration became impossible.

Wedding are fun. Oh yes! they are, especially when its your dearest friend's wedding.
North Indian weddings are typical, and this marriage was in awadh, so it was more so. Sopata liked this city for many reason, language and a distinct culture, and the oblivion, as evident.
Great hospitality by grooms kin left sapota impressed. By the morning of next day of our arrival, entire gang was there. And as soon as the dog is unleashed it starts biting, so the burst of laughters and whipping each other's arses continued till the troupe landed at groom's residence.
It was a grande welcome, exchanges of pleasantries, mild jokes and nominal introductions. Finally Capt Upadhyay, the big brother entertained us with fables from Commando training academy, with likes of Mr. Hawa Singh and The Gorkha PTI("We want blood in the ground" fame.).
The troupe was sent to AJODYHA NAGRI, clicking and blabbering and usual gyan chodna business continued along with Site seeing.
So finally in the evening sapota's gang were all, three pegs up (or down), so all those senti's and well wishing and bakchodee and kissing(Mustandas are embarrassing people, sometimes) started. Again on arrival at wedding spot, we were received with great affection and warmth.
Sherwani clad Groom was looking like a Greek colossus. We were all dangling around him for snaps. Mustandas were getting impateint for dancing in BARAAT. So as soon the drums were beaten, two of them jumped, no light no camera, but who cares, we want to dance, that is the power of three pegs.
So the dance started and continued for some time, it was hot and humid and mustandas are gettting old, so it stopped in very little time. After lights and camera and Laila Majnu singer of RAJA band started, we danced once more, but this time, it lasted a little longer. By the time we reached at the venue, our bodies were evaporating, we needed water. But as soon u reach brides place, u have to dance again and with energy, we tried again, but couldn't last long. As soon as Groom descend from car, one Maha-Mustanda lifted him and took him to the ritual spot. Sapota's troupe gasped in awe.
Now we had food and some rest and then again we were there on stage to lift the groom for JAIMALA. Now the same maha-mustanda lifted the bride high enough that two of our mustandas have to work hard enough. And then clapping and giggles.
After a while, bride and groom were having dinner together and people had good excuse for commenting and cutting mushy jokes.
We thought entire dancing thing is over, but no! we again danced, and this time this was a fancy dance floor with a DJ and Truck-wala songs. and this time many unexpected people joined us. The awe-some dance done by grooms brother and bhabhi sent a chill in the minds of mustandas, so mustandas left the floor immediately to hide. U can run, but u cannot hide. U have to dance, and this time, who will dance with these dancing queens, so family man cylinder jumped to rescue And he saved the day. Entire experience was marvelous, till what followed next......

The Nawabi Guest

Northern India is a delight and pain in Arse simultaneously. We got off at Nukhlow(yes no more shitty "Lukhnow") railway station, which was a small clean and generally pleasant station. Sapota was surprised as to why is this station so small, which later turned out to be smaller part of humongous railway station. We were to head somewhere more deeper in Uttar pradesh, but we thought of taking a break and looking at the beautiful city, so we went on. We entered this market, which look more like a familiar road side market of any Indian City. So as were marching inside, some waiter asked us in elegant politeness. It was quite enchanting, but sapota must confess, we were starving, so the effect was double.
This hotel or dhaba was in this market called as "char bagh". The waiters was all around us, treating us with high regards as if we were here on food inspection. As we sat down they turned on the desert cooler, Wow, that felt like a king. And then one of them sat around us explaining things. So this hotel was owned by some highly religious Vashya(the merchant community in hindus) and to our little dismay, they don't use onions and garlics here, but the boy explained us that food is tasty even without these essentials.
So what to order? We ordered Parwal(a member of cucurbitacea family, sapota is not sure what is it called in English) and dal makhani and phulkas(steamed-on-flame breads!). Gosh! They were mindblowingly delicious. They served pickles, salad and butter along, and the great hospitality was making this experience more memorable. They told lassi is great at this place, So we thought why not order one? Trust me or not, it was a remarkable lassi, the best I ever had. The shiv kailash lassi of pune is nothing more than sweet curd in front of this one, this was an authentic lassi, with a layer of dry fruits and a "rabdi" on the top and it was served in kullads(the earthern pots).
Man, man, this was real good treat, with no gimmicks around. And when the bill arrived, it was merely 130 bucks for all this? We were overwhelmed when one of the waiter helped us in getting an auto-rickshaw. That was a real royal treatment.
It was raining cat and dogs in Nucklow, typical north indian rain, which is quite contrasting to drizzling of Pune. We were looking around the majestic city, which was as beautiful as a clear night of summer, wide roads, elegant landmarks, serene Gomti flowing in background, it all looked like a painting. Roads were blocked with water, we were stuffed till the brim, but it was a real blast being treated like Nawab.