tl;dr

It has been a long time since I have written anything tl;dr. I will soon muster enough courage to come up with some utter nonsense and talk about it in length. Though in the end it will just add more futility to the effort itself. I might even get bored in the middle and start talking about something completely important and the triviality might not even last for that long. It might actually be more useful piece of crap ever written by me thus contradicting the very purpose of carrying out the whole exercise. But who knows,it was indeed the purpose of text to pretend to be pointless and masquerade itself as gibberish, while speaking about intelligent things with audacity and voraciousness. But it might not be inline with the general ineptitude of being able to do something for a long continuous period of time. The distractions offered while creating such long monologues are far too tempting and it is particularly hard to carry on without being pulled into something else, which requires lot less effort and much less attention. This instant gratification providing medium is thus more important than the one which requires me to keep talking about pointlessness and relish the delicious fruits of labour of thousands of years of hard work done by humanity. These hedonistic ways are true essence of the civilization and they should be accepted and devoured without having reservation about their unsavouriness. While I might just keep piling more random shit over previous intangible shit, it might not be a total waste of effort and time. In the end it might turen out to be a true ploy to attract the relevant audience towards this topic and not worry about the consequences or direction of where this might lead. The worth of all this is just mere pastime or an epilogue to a glorious babble to follow. The action speaks louder than words? or do they? Actions don't speak, they don't have sound or words. They are mute, it is meaningless banter like this, which is loud and is more audible than other, perhaps more important things. So, as it can be seen here that the text continues to be elusive and does not talk about anything of any value to any living soul. The pretext remains totally unknown and the conclusion is abrupt. The ever flowing stream of entropy continues to dominate the very fibre of this discussion. But there is hardly any discussion here, it is all a discourse of trifling significance without any meaning or goal and it continues to do so relentlessly. It renders no results, it achieves nothing and it makes no change to anything. But, here it is written on the whims, for it is but a journey of mundane bullshit.

the cynical connection

Sapota do not care about these terms or putting him self in one of these categories, But for sake of knowing new words he do familiarize himself with these terms once in a while.
So the question here is "is sapota cynical?"
Well, not really, he is not there yet.
Does he want to be a cynic?
No not at all, but is it really a choice?

 Here is the thing, from the outset he was never anything closely related to cynical and he tries hard even today not to be one. But as he knows more about the world and as he interact more with the world it grows. Its a sad thing that it cannot be escaped, he will be a bigger cynic in coming future.
he does not want to assume anything about anyone's motive, but finding inherent good in others and pursuing that belief is becoming harder and harder day by day.

The intelligent school of thought says its good to be informed than to be betrayed. But when Sapota looks back at younger people or people who do not know the dirty secrets of the world, they seem to be blissfully in love with the world. Whereas the so called know-it-all are grumpy and skeptical even about the simplest of the  things.
The other day sapota was talking to someone younger to him in age and she talked about oprah, and good philanthropist work of Oprah. And sapota just went on his usual rant on how its about business and be-fooling everyone. He has not researched about the stuff much because he doesn't really care about it. But in popular culture, she is often joked about as being uptight and glamorous. Perhaps, there is a lot of good charity work at the core of all this. But, sapota simply wont be absolutely convinced of anything. And that is when she(the friend) pointed out that sapota is just being cynical. Not that sapota was not aware of this change which slowly taking place, he was unprepared for this and he was a little awakened by it.
We have our own sense of maturity and being responsible and we tend to forget the great things about life. No one is absolutely good or bad, but we base our decision on 1 bad deed of other person and just paint the entire resume with it.
Sapota tries very hard to maintain his "look everything with good in it" perspective and don't question the underlying motives, don't try to read between the lines and don't try to over analyse it. But with one bump on this road, he immediately puts on his cynical goggles on and see everything with question marks in it. Everyone says you can not live life and be successful if you act simply on what you see, you have to dig deep. Whereas digging deep is not necessarily bad thing, but what are we looking for? And in honesty, with the cynic glasses sapota doesn't look for treasures, he looks for skeletons.
Is this behaviour unjustified, is this just overdoing it? well, no. Sapota have seen a lot of so called beliefs shred to pieces, the people who appeared to be saints turned out be devils. The falseness of this world is so monstrous that until unless you are deep rooted with your firm beliefs, you will be absorbed. You have to weigh everything and perform a quality check on it.
To sapota cynicism is merely a word and he wants it to remain that way, if it touches him, he will be unhappy. What will it bring to him? supposedly it can be a good companion for survival, but it will make him miserable. It will feed you, but you will remain unsatiated.

hindi comics and my dissappointment

Before i start, i must apologize for two reasons:
1. I may criticise some heros and storylines(and hence may offend some people)
2. This may be a long post.

I am a big fan of Nagraj and he is like the first love(in a fanboy kind of way). But to my dismay, his comics are super-silly most of the times, but his storylines especially ones which involves his origins are very interesting. Series like "nagraj ka ant", "khajana", "zahar" was fabulous, Nagayan also started wonderfully, but ended in a fiasco. They started nagaraj terrorism series two times, once they did some stupid stuff with Afganistaan and all, which was awful. The next series of "jahrila barood" and following comics were superb. The new authors and new make over was wonderful. I also like series involving Visarpi and other "Nagdweep" characters. The best part of Nagaraj series are uniqueness of its mythological origin, which is found in no other comics(there may be similar line, but not quite this). Most sideline stories of nagraj like "fuel", "venom" were pitiful. I would say that even earlier comics involving Miss killer, thodanga, nagmani, shakura were wonderful, but new villians get created in one page and get lost in other page. Its like turning around the junk to find a phoney metal. And every now and then everything and everyone in story becomes god like. and in next page they get vanished. This is stupid and annoying.
I admit Nagraj is almost as powerful as superman or lets say he is equivalent of superman for Raj Comics. But he is not a god and stop treating him like one.

Coming to Dhruv. I liked dhruv a lot during older times. I mean the first time I read grand master robo in 1995, i felt like i have discovered Pandora's box. stories like "akhiri daav" , "champion killer", "awaaz kee tabahi" were brilliant. "mene mara dhruv ko " series were very well done. His origin stories like "khooni khandaan", "Jigsaw" were marvellous., But later when they combined nagar and dhruv in THE-WORLD-WILL-END kind of series every now and then, And then Dhruv will keep doing things which are scientifically impossible plus severely flawed even from raj comics point of view. And every now and then they keep throwing "smartest man in the world" bullshit. I mean the virtues should be reflective of actions and not the other way round. To be smartest man, you don't have to say it like 100 times in a comics. I have not read dhruv's comics for a long because all new comics look repetitive with a set of formula. Only time i get to read Dhruv is with Nagraj and then also they both end up going on suicide mission like three times in a comics.

Coming to Doga, I must admit Doga is most consistent of all the superheroes. He is a no bullshitter. I haven't read a lot of old Doga comics, but I picked up a lot of his origin stories, and I must say they represents darkness, depth and pain. I was reading "doga hindu hai", "doga hai hai" series, the plots are very well crafted. I couldn't follow the series for long. But they were "the comics". you always know what to expect from Doga comics.
Other characters, i would like to mention is Bankelal. He was superb in the past, but a lot of toilet humour have sunk in his comics lately. And newer comics are driven by a synthetic laughter or forced humour. Bankelal need a really good rewrite.
My old favourite Gojo disappeared. I don't want to bring this matter. Same applies for bheria, i haven't read any comics since they separated, but lots of folks say they are still as they were, which is good.
I read couple of Tiranga comics which were utterly disappointing, i mean you want to rip of Captain, please look at his iconic stature.

Most Raj Comics fan are the old timers, who follow comics for the love of it. I am not sure how many new comics book fans are getting added??? I even recommended comics to couple of youngsters, they rejected it on the grounds of it being too silly or some kind of LIFT-OFF from DC or Marvel. We all know that is true to certain extent. A lot of fans would defend the comics in whatever way they are.
I think a lot of recent changes by Raj comics are wonderful and I am thankful to them for creating a wonderful site and revamping the franchise. But lets face it, contents need to revamped.
We need stories, which have depth and some sort of association with reality. We need somebody like Frank Miller, Mark Millar and Alan moore. And I am sure there are people who can do equally good job. Please tell me I am not being over ambitious. I guess the character of Dhruv's potential need a story which should be very complex and yet believable. There is a desperate need to remove the redundancy from his comics. He need to less verbal and stories should be self explanatory. Not everytime Dhruv has to say things in his mind. That represents a week plot and week graphics because the whole idea of comics is to understand a lot of things from the graphics. And for christ sake, stop resurrecting characters. In time period of 5 comics, characters get entirely rebooted, This is so annoying. We need some stories(or graphics novel) which can redefine the characters and story lines. No matter how good the marketing is, if your product is not good enough, the market will eventually reject it. The last thing I want is Raj comics to suffer the same fate as tulsi/manoj etc.
Another major issue is consistency, they always have wonderful starts and wonderful themes, but by the climax its all screwed up. No one gets a single scratch??? why is that so? The comics are reflections of life in exaggerated manner, so why is everything always "hunky and dory"? and why can't they keep the good story line till end. One comics is fantastic, and other total rubbish. I kinda hate it when I spend my money to find out i bought a total rip-off. As much as love Raj comics, I must say they fail to impress 5 out of 10 times. I still buy comics for the sake of it. But lets face it this may keep them alive, but wont let them grow as i would expect them to be.

the doppler shift

Have you ever wondered in your life about your strongest beliefs? The time when you believe in spite of being not judged, there is a compulsion forced upon you in order to be nice. The line between being cocky and "just trying to exhibit your ability" is so fine that you fail to take a right decision. Or worst you question your decision.
Your humility is not enough, the worst part is there is no way to measure it. Your actions are least cared about and you have no idea of what to expect. You believed "what is it that you can't tackle" but here you are struggling with the tiniest of problem.
Is your skill, experience and ability under a test to which you can easily succeed, but you still are so unsure. Your normal or in fact what you believed your mild indulgence is not really mild enough. What strength is still driving you? or are you just mad on yourself.
The adequate amount of sophistication or huge amount of savageness? what would you choose, is your goal is always to win? Are you treating everything your action to achieve an end.... or is the means; what worries you most?

There is not limit to what can puzzle you, confuse you. No matter how well versed you are with the universe, but it will throw newer scenarios at you, which will toss you like you never existed. Your quantification of unknown is always insufficient; Does it compel you to give up?
It is this time you stand up tall, you fight, you fight harder, the victory is not a matter of accomplishment, its a matter of good fight. Never give up, may be find an another way, may be try newer methods, but stand up to what you always believed in.

wots goin on!

The question remain unanswered, i ask it again and again, i just ask it to my self.
I am walking right in the same direction, no attention, no heed is needed. This is where i am holding this steel spoon, light does not hit properly, i can see that bread being turned into a shape of funnel and this yellow color gravy is poured. hands are turning and moving, making the shape and pouring the gravy. I am standing between some of these ladies, two of them wear black swim suits, her dad is sitting in visitors gallery, i know he is an army officer. I want to make sure i atleast finish 100 meters in single go, but then why am not get butterfly perfect. Oh she has got perfect eyes, I like it that way. I will delay all my events, so that I will get late, may be i will get a glimpse of her. The paper is full of all useless crap, why do i care if Arun shourie joins Al Qaida. She is not coming out, fuck it, who cares. I am too civilized, i carry that thought around. Damn, what is this pattern of eating corn flakes everyday, why doesn't jam and bread appeal me anymore. They think these loose long hairs, they want to laugh, i dont care, i dont belong here. I want to screammmmmmm............

Its been delayed since a long time, i need to finish this damn driver, oh comon, u need to dig filesystems. Oh, i can sleep any time, but what am I doing? I can't just let things go. Holy shit, this room sucks, damn it. The decision to move to other place, i can't just take it. Oh it hurts, the pain, the oppression, my phone, android its GONEEEEEEE!!!!. Why am i thinking about it? do I want to feel sorry for myself. Damn it, this is not rational or logical. He doesn't need to know everything, he wont fucking understand it. Lemmy is god! I want to see Lemmy live, how fucking, how?

Damn those drums, i can keep talking on all quintessential bullshit in the world. But does all that matter, oh this question hurts, the question of existence. oh please dont call, i dont want to attend your damn call, i hate ur mechanical expressions. stay the hell away from me. oh at times u need to push ur self mechanically, just the way it is. They dont care, they invade ur private space, they shove ur elbow, they are too ignorant, they are in too much oblivion. What is all that "I" stuff, too much of pomp, too much chagrin.

Why i have to run for this shit all the time, why doesn't the damn INTERNET work, oh this ember light, it will start blinking i hate it, cant it get stable. Holy shit, they think they know westerns, this aint worth talkin about it either, Gupta, he thinks Clint flicks are better than John waynes, no way, But is my evaluation good enough, prolly i check out rotten. i just want to listen this one "right round right round, when you go down. this dude is ewww....ugly, right round, right when u go down.

Blearing ebonies and ivories

The segment has blurred,
there is not even a hole
Moralities diminishes
sins are virtues
virtues no longer matter
lines do not remain,
paths do not exist.
just invisible something
Something indistinct.

Where are the rules?
who are those fools.
They obey,
We uprise.
They comply,
we surprise.

We fail to know,
They say its a matter of fact.
What are those, accepted ways?
There is no clairvoyance,
pondering, still they know.
Foundering in the swamp
darkness becomes light.
Shine gets blurred
there are no ivories, there are no ebonies.
They are mere repercussion of shallow woods.
indistinction is so apparent,
exhibits appear obfuscated.

slapped, echoes of agitation
loved, thuds of serenity.
pale and right,
Wrong and bright,
They do the exit.
An applause for the grave
A grief over the triumph.
guffawing pleasantly
and sobbing over the milk.
But there is no cat,
Just the cow.
who dun it, who dun it.
Spare the one, he ain't.

hypocrite,the convinced ones
chauvinists,the philanthropist,
they stand in the way,
They make the hay,
while some suffer,
those who differ.
the ways to adhere
no bindings to tether.

No reality, No obscurity,
since the dissipating veracity holds
or may be unholds,
It will blur, it has to.

The Man auctions his spirit for a price.

He is stuck with nothing, but commercial innuendo.
They surround him with expectations, ask him to scramble,
he reaches a false peak.
He cares! but, why? & for whom?
The unanswered one haunts him... "Identity of Unknown?"...

Necessities overshadow Creativity,
Dreams get oppressed by reality.

The Sea lies ahead and he never knew the swimming; the sea of self doubt.
He set forth to become a genuinity,
but they prevented him; his own people.
they are adamant to make him a falsery, a shallow impostor.
He wanted to dwell deep and be true, but the desire diminishes,
A patch gets spun around him, which is made of nothing but obviousness.

Death is serene, life is a shattered dream, Why live?
LUB-DUB! Is that what live for?
They want to churn out his entire endowment & milk everything.
Eat, construct and reproduce
Load Earth with Daggers, kill it! KILL IT!!!

Innocuous appearance, he loses sanity, becomes arid.
his spirit leaves him, its gone...
its flying out into the empty firmament
he gazes, gazes hopelessly, endlessly.
it just escaped, he knows no way to shackle it back.

Its just a carcass into which his heart pumps the blood,
rock n roll still lives forever,
its just that he is not in it, Anymore.


sounds keep going, sounds keep coming, swooshing by.
air goes in, air goes out, but its just a thump, not life.
he asked for somniferum, but they gave him cannabis.

Let him fly, Let him soar.
Let him spread his wings
Let him reach the sun,
and when his wings char
Let him fall and let him die, PLEASE!!!

Fainted section of a Cone or The Rings of firmament.

Smiling while rings of Cannabis fly by my side.
Frowning while florescence of lights are fainting on the other side.
Whispering and voices form repercussions of unknown memory,
They are singing, "Money, As they say is root of evils today, MONEY.....sssssss"
Cones of a brick, giggles of a baby
laughter of them all,
hammock swinging through,
while an unripe green banana is shared by all;
Burning of a candle is turning the wick stark and dark,
fluttering wind is making no mark.
Someone is louder,
other are lost in silence
half lying on Bed,
half lying on the floor.
Fear cuts the light, closes the window,
tail lights of a truck making a shadow,
shadow is cornered,
sittings are concealed.
hey, the applying of drum brakes somewhere...,
its lying on bed, keep the book elsewhere.
The musical note on the screen reminds me of something meant to be silent,
faces speaking, faces calm, spread newspaper says to be resilient.

i'm so excited!!!

me: Hey! I am so excited?
me: Why?(pondering?) what is so exciting?
me: Nothing, i am just excited. I feel so.
me: what? there is a precursor to everything? there should be something.
me: (pondering)...
me: what? you are thinking, ha ha, you clueless fool, u are thinking! ROFL.
me: there aren't always reason for things.
me: u are pointless AGAIN???
me: (song: wherever i may roam, where i stay....)
me: STOP!!! you idiot, you can't listen Metallica, while talking to me.
me: you are an arrogant jerk.
me: SO????
me: you think that's kool.
me: LOL. you are trying to act smarter, you dumb looser, ha ha, you know what...
me: (aping) you know what...
me: (frowned)
me: every dog has a day.
me: you mean a dog-day afternoon?
me: yuck!!! that was a real bad one.
me: oh really!!! you think u are Jim carrey?
me: there is a minimum specified level.
me: where? ISO 840 and 420?
me: (twisting my mouth!!!)that was quite mature of you.
me: oh yeah, I know that, as always(hissing...).
me: hey man the excitement is gone.
me: oh again! back? - yeah......... May be then I will fade away
and don't have to face the fact.....SSSSSSSSSSSS.....

what if........

What if I had known my life before
What if I was born 30 years before
What if I had everything i wanted
What if all my wishes were granted
What if I was an European
What if there was no competition
What if this place was less crowded
What if no one was guarded
What if we never emerged out of civilization
and archeology was just a mean of recreation
What if earth was flat and I keep walking till i fall from one end...
What if Rock Music comes out from a mollusc shell and sand...
What if sea was not deep and I knew how to swim it across
What if space was not empty and life would have been filled with water and not thoughts.
What if entropy was not governing universe and chaos was a friend of humans
What if Metallica played live at konark and there was millions of just me banging my head.
What if i could create cyborgs from lazer coming out my fingers.
What if alcohol was formed by oxidation of ginger with sulfur.
What if I could have changed things, without no one knowing.
What if there was a crop of bull dogs in a dirty swamp and no one was sowing.
What if all idiosyncrasies melt and take a form of pop-corns just busting out from opium poppy.
What if there is no judgement and all magistrates performs ballet in lockups.
What if all strips of calvin and hobbes were in forms of shloks from mahabharat.
What if I could create acids with hundreds of carboxylic groups with a single wave of my hand.
What if I can do ssh from one place to another, my very own transport.
What if closed source was open and patents were taken on things like burps and farts.
What if Allen made saas-bahu series and broadcasted them on pogo and all polar bears use them as a means of dancing in snow.

What if no one had known this art of writing..........