tl;dr

It has been a long time since I have written anything tl;dr. I will soon muster enough courage to come up with some utter nonsense and talk about it in length. Though in the end it will just add more futility to the effort itself. I might even get bored in the middle and start talking about something completely important and the triviality might not even last for that long. It might actually be more useful piece of crap ever written by me thus contradicting the very purpose of carrying out the whole exercise. But who knows,it was indeed the purpose of text to pretend to be pointless and masquerade itself as gibberish, while speaking about intelligent things with audacity and voraciousness. But it might not be inline with the general ineptitude of being able to do something for a long continuous period of time. The distractions offered while creating such long monologues are far too tempting and it is particularly hard to carry on without being pulled into something else, which requires lot less effort and much less attention. This instant gratification providing medium is thus more important than the one which requires me to keep talking about pointlessness and relish the delicious fruits of labour of thousands of years of hard work done by humanity. These hedonistic ways are true essence of the civilization and they should be accepted and devoured without having reservation about their unsavouriness. While I might just keep piling more random shit over previous intangible shit, it might not be a total waste of effort and time. In the end it might turen out to be a true ploy to attract the relevant audience towards this topic and not worry about the consequences or direction of where this might lead. The worth of all this is just mere pastime or an epilogue to a glorious babble to follow. The action speaks louder than words? or do they? Actions don't speak, they don't have sound or words. They are mute, it is meaningless banter like this, which is loud and is more audible than other, perhaps more important things. So, as it can be seen here that the text continues to be elusive and does not talk about anything of any value to any living soul. The pretext remains totally unknown and the conclusion is abrupt. The ever flowing stream of entropy continues to dominate the very fibre of this discussion. But there is hardly any discussion here, it is all a discourse of trifling significance without any meaning or goal and it continues to do so relentlessly. It renders no results, it achieves nothing and it makes no change to anything. But, here it is written on the whims, for it is but a journey of mundane bullshit.

the cynical connection

Sapota do not care about these terms or putting him self in one of these categories, But for sake of knowing new words he do familiarize himself with these terms once in a while.
So the question here is "is sapota cynical?"
Well, not really, he is not there yet.
Does he want to be a cynic?
No not at all, but is it really a choice?

 Here is the thing, from the outset he was never anything closely related to cynical and he tries hard even today not to be one. But as he knows more about the world and as he interact more with the world it grows. Its a sad thing that it cannot be escaped, he will be a bigger cynic in coming future.
he does not want to assume anything about anyone's motive, but finding inherent good in others and pursuing that belief is becoming harder and harder day by day.

The intelligent school of thought says its good to be informed than to be betrayed. But when Sapota looks back at younger people or people who do not know the dirty secrets of the world, they seem to be blissfully in love with the world. Whereas the so called know-it-all are grumpy and skeptical even about the simplest of the  things.
The other day sapota was talking to someone younger to him in age and she talked about oprah, and good philanthropist work of Oprah. And sapota just went on his usual rant on how its about business and be-fooling everyone. He has not researched about the stuff much because he doesn't really care about it. But in popular culture, she is often joked about as being uptight and glamorous. Perhaps, there is a lot of good charity work at the core of all this. But, sapota simply wont be absolutely convinced of anything. And that is when she(the friend) pointed out that sapota is just being cynical. Not that sapota was not aware of this change which slowly taking place, he was unprepared for this and he was a little awakened by it.
We have our own sense of maturity and being responsible and we tend to forget the great things about life. No one is absolutely good or bad, but we base our decision on 1 bad deed of other person and just paint the entire resume with it.
Sapota tries very hard to maintain his "look everything with good in it" perspective and don't question the underlying motives, don't try to read between the lines and don't try to over analyse it. But with one bump on this road, he immediately puts on his cynical goggles on and see everything with question marks in it. Everyone says you can not live life and be successful if you act simply on what you see, you have to dig deep. Whereas digging deep is not necessarily bad thing, but what are we looking for? And in honesty, with the cynic glasses sapota doesn't look for treasures, he looks for skeletons.
Is this behaviour unjustified, is this just overdoing it? well, no. Sapota have seen a lot of so called beliefs shred to pieces, the people who appeared to be saints turned out be devils. The falseness of this world is so monstrous that until unless you are deep rooted with your firm beliefs, you will be absorbed. You have to weigh everything and perform a quality check on it.
To sapota cynicism is merely a word and he wants it to remain that way, if it touches him, he will be unhappy. What will it bring to him? supposedly it can be a good companion for survival, but it will make him miserable. It will feed you, but you will remain unsatiated.

hindi comics and my dissappointment

Before i start, i must apologize for two reasons:
1. I may criticise some heros and storylines(and hence may offend some people)
2. This may be a long post.

I am a big fan of Nagraj and he is like the first love(in a fanboy kind of way). But to my dismay, his comics are super-silly most of the times, but his storylines especially ones which involves his origins are very interesting. Series like "nagraj ka ant", "khajana", "zahar" was fabulous, Nagayan also started wonderfully, but ended in a fiasco. They started nagaraj terrorism series two times, once they did some stupid stuff with Afganistaan and all, which was awful. The next series of "jahrila barood" and following comics were superb. The new authors and new make over was wonderful. I also like series involving Visarpi and other "Nagdweep" characters. The best part of Nagaraj series are uniqueness of its mythological origin, which is found in no other comics(there may be similar line, but not quite this). Most sideline stories of nagraj like "fuel", "venom" were pitiful. I would say that even earlier comics involving Miss killer, thodanga, nagmani, shakura were wonderful, but new villians get created in one page and get lost in other page. Its like turning around the junk to find a phoney metal. And every now and then everything and everyone in story becomes god like. and in next page they get vanished. This is stupid and annoying.
I admit Nagraj is almost as powerful as superman or lets say he is equivalent of superman for Raj Comics. But he is not a god and stop treating him like one.

Coming to Dhruv. I liked dhruv a lot during older times. I mean the first time I read grand master robo in 1995, i felt like i have discovered Pandora's box. stories like "akhiri daav" , "champion killer", "awaaz kee tabahi" were brilliant. "mene mara dhruv ko " series were very well done. His origin stories like "khooni khandaan", "Jigsaw" were marvellous., But later when they combined nagar and dhruv in THE-WORLD-WILL-END kind of series every now and then, And then Dhruv will keep doing things which are scientifically impossible plus severely flawed even from raj comics point of view. And every now and then they keep throwing "smartest man in the world" bullshit. I mean the virtues should be reflective of actions and not the other way round. To be smartest man, you don't have to say it like 100 times in a comics. I have not read dhruv's comics for a long because all new comics look repetitive with a set of formula. Only time i get to read Dhruv is with Nagraj and then also they both end up going on suicide mission like three times in a comics.

Coming to Doga, I must admit Doga is most consistent of all the superheroes. He is a no bullshitter. I haven't read a lot of old Doga comics, but I picked up a lot of his origin stories, and I must say they represents darkness, depth and pain. I was reading "doga hindu hai", "doga hai hai" series, the plots are very well crafted. I couldn't follow the series for long. But they were "the comics". you always know what to expect from Doga comics.
Other characters, i would like to mention is Bankelal. He was superb in the past, but a lot of toilet humour have sunk in his comics lately. And newer comics are driven by a synthetic laughter or forced humour. Bankelal need a really good rewrite.
My old favourite Gojo disappeared. I don't want to bring this matter. Same applies for bheria, i haven't read any comics since they separated, but lots of folks say they are still as they were, which is good.
I read couple of Tiranga comics which were utterly disappointing, i mean you want to rip of Captain, please look at his iconic stature.

Most Raj Comics fan are the old timers, who follow comics for the love of it. I am not sure how many new comics book fans are getting added??? I even recommended comics to couple of youngsters, they rejected it on the grounds of it being too silly or some kind of LIFT-OFF from DC or Marvel. We all know that is true to certain extent. A lot of fans would defend the comics in whatever way they are.
I think a lot of recent changes by Raj comics are wonderful and I am thankful to them for creating a wonderful site and revamping the franchise. But lets face it, contents need to revamped.
We need stories, which have depth and some sort of association with reality. We need somebody like Frank Miller, Mark Millar and Alan moore. And I am sure there are people who can do equally good job. Please tell me I am not being over ambitious. I guess the character of Dhruv's potential need a story which should be very complex and yet believable. There is a desperate need to remove the redundancy from his comics. He need to less verbal and stories should be self explanatory. Not everytime Dhruv has to say things in his mind. That represents a week plot and week graphics because the whole idea of comics is to understand a lot of things from the graphics. And for christ sake, stop resurrecting characters. In time period of 5 comics, characters get entirely rebooted, This is so annoying. We need some stories(or graphics novel) which can redefine the characters and story lines. No matter how good the marketing is, if your product is not good enough, the market will eventually reject it. The last thing I want is Raj comics to suffer the same fate as tulsi/manoj etc.
Another major issue is consistency, they always have wonderful starts and wonderful themes, but by the climax its all screwed up. No one gets a single scratch??? why is that so? The comics are reflections of life in exaggerated manner, so why is everything always "hunky and dory"? and why can't they keep the good story line till end. One comics is fantastic, and other total rubbish. I kinda hate it when I spend my money to find out i bought a total rip-off. As much as love Raj comics, I must say they fail to impress 5 out of 10 times. I still buy comics for the sake of it. But lets face it this may keep them alive, but wont let them grow as i would expect them to be.

the doppler shift

Have you ever wondered in your life about your strongest beliefs? The time when you believe in spite of being not judged, there is a compulsion forced upon you in order to be nice. The line between being cocky and "just trying to exhibit your ability" is so fine that you fail to take a right decision. Or worst you question your decision.
Your humility is not enough, the worst part is there is no way to measure it. Your actions are least cared about and you have no idea of what to expect. You believed "what is it that you can't tackle" but here you are struggling with the tiniest of problem.
Is your skill, experience and ability under a test to which you can easily succeed, but you still are so unsure. Your normal or in fact what you believed your mild indulgence is not really mild enough. What strength is still driving you? or are you just mad on yourself.
The adequate amount of sophistication or huge amount of savageness? what would you choose, is your goal is always to win? Are you treating everything your action to achieve an end.... or is the means; what worries you most?

There is not limit to what can puzzle you, confuse you. No matter how well versed you are with the universe, but it will throw newer scenarios at you, which will toss you like you never existed. Your quantification of unknown is always insufficient; Does it compel you to give up?
It is this time you stand up tall, you fight, you fight harder, the victory is not a matter of accomplishment, its a matter of good fight. Never give up, may be find an another way, may be try newer methods, but stand up to what you always believed in.

This country deserves a better class of patriotism

There are few simple things which can be done for good of this country and its people. And why only this country, but to entire world and to all humans and other living beings.

1. Don't bloody throw your waste on the road

I carried my entire waste 300 kms in the rain, since I couldn't locate any wastebins and those hills were too beautiful. To me littering is suicidal. It hurts me most, when there are no dustbins for miles and there is no way you can carry all your waste in your pockets(yes, we have fucked up systems). I can't tell others what to do, but I can ensure every toffee wrapper, every bottle, ever packet I have used get disposed properly(and if required I will carry it until I find a suitable waste bin).

2. You can carry your stuff in your own bare hands, you would still remain yourself.

I carry a packet of milk and a packet of bread almost everyday from shop to my home bare hand without the god damn polyethylene bag. Yeah, its bit inconvenient, its ugly and oh no! your bloody reputation is on stake. Whole world will know that you looked so awkward when you carried your stuff in your bare hands. And you the great descendant of Mr Attila, the Hun will be disgraced eternally. Well, there are always better way of doing it with proper foresight, but you always forget to bring your bag along.

When you litter, someone else picks up that for you, who is that person?
oh! he is paid for it.... and what about those places, where there is no one who gets paid for picking up your waste? Why are we so oblivious? we just throw our shit around, without even thinking for one damn second.
And we blatantly spit around everywhere. How pathetic? Entire country is our spit bin.

Somehow people don't think all this has to do anything with patriotism. But what is love of country(or world for that matter?) Isn't it about protecting its existence and keeping it the way it was? Consider it as war, and hence the glory of protecting your beloved motherland.

Well if you are reading this, please, I request you to follow the above two, they are not all that hard to follow. And please follow it in spirit with your heart. You are smart enough to argue against these points, but this is not about winning this debate and I am not saying something, which we already don't know.

Firstly I wanted to get this thing printed in form of handouts and distribute it to people, but that would have defeated entire purpose of this activity. Printing this on paper will lead to cutting of trees somewhere. This is definitely not the worst thing I have ever said or done. But I wish I could stay away from all the "preachy-ness" and do something worthy, and hence sharing this thought

I want to spread this word, I am not sure how? I would be glad to know some practical way of doing this. But, I wouldn't like to talk, I would like to do something. We already talk a lot and implement nothing.

Twenty Seven

Why is this such an important year?
Is it a beginning, a landmark, a milestone or just the deadend.
Am I on a crest or trough of that sinusoidal wave or is it just tangent to that conical section. or Is this my chance to a shot to glory.
What follows next would be labeled as Morbid by few, but I am just seeking the real, I can't ignore it, I am not escapist. I stand against it and give it a fair fight.
The insensible theory of Negativity and Positivism is most amusing revelation of my times. Negativity is much desired VIRTUE(yes and right!), much as needed as positive, we can't shun it.

Their peak was at this age, at this particular point of time. They attained glory, they became immortals, they proved world domination is not just a word, they created a effect known as domination over souls.
My Lady Janis, as they say, sold her soul to Satan for greater good of rock n roll, just at the age of twenty seven. She became the most important lady of rock n roll.
Lord Hendrix single handedly overturned beliefs, he started a new revolution and it peaked at this same instant of time. Coming generations of guitarists were embedded with DNA from Jimi. There are bests and best evers, but they are second to Lord Hendrix.
The greatest song writer of all times had similar fate in the same time, he changd entire culture, he changed the perspective of entire generation. Jim Morrison transformed lyric creation, he brought elegance of poetry to songs.
Not even prodigious Kurt could go beyond that glorious mark. I mean this was the top of the world, where else do u go when you are at Mt Everest. He revived new air in dying genre of rock n roll. He bought the unknown from dark streets to bright sunlight of mainstream. But genius fall under his own weight, World just had too much of him.

All this analogy is futile and redundant to an irrelevant mortal like me. Am I obsessed with that figure or those GODs or the glorified stories of these heroes. Man looks upto people, who walked on the very road before him.
Why would I be any different.
Will I attain those glories?
HAA HAA, i am not even on that road.
Or for that matter, does it matter at all?
I am not sure, what is the degree of anonymity, I wish to attain.
May be I will vanish, just vanish, one fine day as if i never existed.
I don't want anything to be written after that "comma".
I don't want thud, I don't want an epilogue, I dont want a preface.
No bling for me, No jazz.

How will this twenty seven turn out to be so important to me, why was 20, 21 or 25 any less? I donno, prolly, I think I am fancying too much glory, chasing the unreal truth. As the Tommy says "Got a feeling '21, Is going to be a good year".

Is my existence for any good, or I am one hogging those resources on this planet, which someone else deserve much more.
The road to survival, the road of Darwin, Much worse like my entire specie, I suffer from endless flaws.
I am the imperfect one,
I am the one, who walks as if it doesn't matter.
I am the one, who was not the captain of that team,
I am not the one, who dont want their rule book,
I am not the one, who came with flying colors,
I am not the one, who saves face of his family for that utter pomp.
I am NOT.

Can you still embrace me?
Can you still call me your own?
Can you still think, I am The you?
Can you stop quantizing me and stop putting me in that pool?
Can you just let me be?
Can you just love me, one time, just in purity, without any reservations, without any terms?
Can you kiss my forehead for all the defeats, Losses and setbacks?

What do I attain?
What do I loose?
What matters?
What are my expectations?

I just want to drop this entire arrogance,
I just want to drop my entire vanity,
I just want to drop this insensitivity, this coldness.

More modest, More humble
Enhanced humility, More concern
Will just do fine for me.

They have such large hearts, they just accommodate everything of me.
I just want one of those big hearts.

I donno about permanency,
I choose triviality, just a few little things, which can make me smile and giggle. This vanilla happiness serves the purpose of this very life.

How am I any important than any single entity that ever existed. This entire relative importance attributed to entities, baffles me to no ends.

There aint no expectations, I just dropped them.
I want to live without fear.
Why do they tell me to be afraid? and from my own?
Why do they tell me stories of Negative and positive?

There are no goods or bads in my realm, just the plain things in harmony with everything else. I want to see the entire spectrum, I dont want just black or just white.

Creativity or trite, all are equally criticized by me, how will it all end. Do I know this path, or just keep walking. Twenty seven is no different than anything else......

wots goin on!

The question remain unanswered, i ask it again and again, i just ask it to my self.
I am walking right in the same direction, no attention, no heed is needed. This is where i am holding this steel spoon, light does not hit properly, i can see that bread being turned into a shape of funnel and this yellow color gravy is poured. hands are turning and moving, making the shape and pouring the gravy. I am standing between some of these ladies, two of them wear black swim suits, her dad is sitting in visitors gallery, i know he is an army officer. I want to make sure i atleast finish 100 meters in single go, but then why am not get butterfly perfect. Oh she has got perfect eyes, I like it that way. I will delay all my events, so that I will get late, may be i will get a glimpse of her. The paper is full of all useless crap, why do i care if Arun shourie joins Al Qaida. She is not coming out, fuck it, who cares. I am too civilized, i carry that thought around. Damn, what is this pattern of eating corn flakes everyday, why doesn't jam and bread appeal me anymore. They think these loose long hairs, they want to laugh, i dont care, i dont belong here. I want to screammmmmmm............

Its been delayed since a long time, i need to finish this damn driver, oh comon, u need to dig filesystems. Oh, i can sleep any time, but what am I doing? I can't just let things go. Holy shit, this room sucks, damn it. The decision to move to other place, i can't just take it. Oh it hurts, the pain, the oppression, my phone, android its GONEEEEEEE!!!!. Why am i thinking about it? do I want to feel sorry for myself. Damn it, this is not rational or logical. He doesn't need to know everything, he wont fucking understand it. Lemmy is god! I want to see Lemmy live, how fucking, how?

Damn those drums, i can keep talking on all quintessential bullshit in the world. But does all that matter, oh this question hurts, the question of existence. oh please dont call, i dont want to attend your damn call, i hate ur mechanical expressions. stay the hell away from me. oh at times u need to push ur self mechanically, just the way it is. They dont care, they invade ur private space, they shove ur elbow, they are too ignorant, they are in too much oblivion. What is all that "I" stuff, too much of pomp, too much chagrin.

Why i have to run for this shit all the time, why doesn't the damn INTERNET work, oh this ember light, it will start blinking i hate it, cant it get stable. Holy shit, they think they know westerns, this aint worth talkin about it either, Gupta, he thinks Clint flicks are better than John waynes, no way, But is my evaluation good enough, prolly i check out rotten. i just want to listen this one "right round right round, when you go down. this dude is ewww....ugly, right round, right when u go down.

The escapist, they are.

What would make you say things, which are totally irrelevant to life. You are being asked if your life is in shambles and you tend to discuss the new rock n roll album, you purchased. The tiger(oh yes, I call him tiger) always blame his shirts and clothes for all the fight he does in the world. He says I wont wear this shirt, because every time i wear this I fight with people, he wont admit the fact, that its in his nature to be quarrelsome, and on the top of it he is superstitious.

Why on the earth would people blame the poor cat if some mishap happens. Isn't your life already miserable enough? you are not moving a single straw and expecting all the lacklustre to transform into a brilliant shiny beacon of life.

All the damn time, for all your losses, you end up believing that its gods will. I think god is a busy creature, he just makes the instrument for life and makes free will, what you do with it is purely your thing, he wont interfere. Well, you get result of what you do, but how does your fate come into picture, if you fail in exam?

This entire concept of destiny is pure unadulterated case of some big marketing hoax or some work of propaganda. The strong ruler or the party in power will emphasis on everything that will keep subjects to neglect facts and indulge in their own lives and overlook the very reason that these weak creatures are driven by someone else.

Why do u think god punishes only those sinners, who happen to be poor or weak, for same kind of deed, the rich and powerful enjoy all the cream in the world. Well it has been inculcated in our brains, all those beliefs, we can't question them in the lack of evidence and worse enough, we face such a strong resistance. Its really is incomprehensible, where there is such a strong lobby for such biased and prejudiced beliefs. Why are they selling unreasonable bullshit for centuries? Even they are not sure of what they are talking, but every one pretends otherwise.

Its right in front of your eyes? its a loss, its a phenomenon, bloody accept it. Why are you trying so hard not to believe it, or are you trying to enforce some sort of delay, that things will get any better. Unfortunately things get better, when you work for their betterment. Yes, there are factors, which are not governed by us and factors, we can't control. But what about the things, which we can do? Have we tried enough or we were so busy procrastinating about stuff we don't control that time flew and we were flying in our fancy world escaping reality.

Its for us to do, who else will do it, why we tend to postpone it, why are we not on it and finish it off, what is a better time than this. We are not in war sire! Its our every day work, so still what makes us avoid it? Alright, you don't like it, so then change it, there are always way of mending things, its all how badly you want to change it.
They don't understand it, they don't control it, but they fancy it, but what we can change is what we should be up to.

Blearing ebonies and ivories

The segment has blurred,
there is not even a hole
Moralities diminishes
sins are virtues
virtues no longer matter
lines do not remain,
paths do not exist.
just invisible something
Something indistinct.

Where are the rules?
who are those fools.
They obey,
We uprise.
They comply,
we surprise.

We fail to know,
They say its a matter of fact.
What are those, accepted ways?
There is no clairvoyance,
pondering, still they know.
Foundering in the swamp
darkness becomes light.
Shine gets blurred
there are no ivories, there are no ebonies.
They are mere repercussion of shallow woods.
indistinction is so apparent,
exhibits appear obfuscated.

slapped, echoes of agitation
loved, thuds of serenity.
pale and right,
Wrong and bright,
They do the exit.
An applause for the grave
A grief over the triumph.
guffawing pleasantly
and sobbing over the milk.
But there is no cat,
Just the cow.
who dun it, who dun it.
Spare the one, he ain't.

hypocrite,the convinced ones
chauvinists,the philanthropist,
they stand in the way,
They make the hay,
while some suffer,
those who differ.
the ways to adhere
no bindings to tether.

No reality, No obscurity,
since the dissipating veracity holds
or may be unholds,
It will blur, it has to.

I, sometimes, shutdown my PC

I was taken aback?
why?
she asked me, don't you have instinct?
so...
that's like asking me if I listen to Metallica.
So what do you say?
I just tell her that I will write back.
about instincts?
yes, My instincts tell me not to talk about them?
then, why are you?
I donno, this is also instinctive action.

Other day, I asked someone, dude you are talented, how do you keep upto it?
he told me, his instincts help him.
the other case where instinct play vital role, is with respect to tiger, he pushes them to the limit.
So what's the harm?
Instinct cannot be logically explained, I can feel it, I can smell things, i am gifted with it. I have inherited it.
in that case i don't see any problem?
there are no problems, I would rather use other talents than to push myself to use instinct, I rather use them as survival weapon and find it is best suited for it.
I have instincts too,
not, in the way I understand, as I said I can smell it, who had that kind of feel.
hows that?
I mean when you meet people your own kind, for example tiger, you know it.
So what will that lead you to?
Actually nothing, just this post and asking people to talk about
what are their intellectual verbalization about their own instincts?

The Man auctions his spirit for a price.

He is stuck with nothing, but commercial innuendo.
They surround him with expectations, ask him to scramble,
he reaches a false peak.
He cares! but, why? & for whom?
The unanswered one haunts him... "Identity of Unknown?"...

Necessities overshadow Creativity,
Dreams get oppressed by reality.

The Sea lies ahead and he never knew the swimming; the sea of self doubt.
He set forth to become a genuinity,
but they prevented him; his own people.
they are adamant to make him a falsery, a shallow impostor.
He wanted to dwell deep and be true, but the desire diminishes,
A patch gets spun around him, which is made of nothing but obviousness.

Death is serene, life is a shattered dream, Why live?
LUB-DUB! Is that what live for?
They want to churn out his entire endowment & milk everything.
Eat, construct and reproduce
Load Earth with Daggers, kill it! KILL IT!!!

Innocuous appearance, he loses sanity, becomes arid.
his spirit leaves him, its gone...
its flying out into the empty firmament
he gazes, gazes hopelessly, endlessly.
it just escaped, he knows no way to shackle it back.

Its just a carcass into which his heart pumps the blood,
rock n roll still lives forever,
its just that he is not in it, Anymore.


sounds keep going, sounds keep coming, swooshing by.
air goes in, air goes out, but its just a thump, not life.
he asked for somniferum, but they gave him cannabis.

Let him fly, Let him soar.
Let him spread his wings
Let him reach the sun,
and when his wings char
Let him fall and let him die, PLEASE!!!

i'm so excited!!!

me: Hey! I am so excited?
me: Why?(pondering?) what is so exciting?
me: Nothing, i am just excited. I feel so.
me: what? there is a precursor to everything? there should be something.
me: (pondering)...
me: what? you are thinking, ha ha, you clueless fool, u are thinking! ROFL.
me: there aren't always reason for things.
me: u are pointless AGAIN???
me: (song: wherever i may roam, where i stay....)
me: STOP!!! you idiot, you can't listen Metallica, while talking to me.
me: you are an arrogant jerk.
me: SO????
me: you think that's kool.
me: LOL. you are trying to act smarter, you dumb looser, ha ha, you know what...
me: (aping) you know what...
me: (frowned)
me: every dog has a day.
me: you mean a dog-day afternoon?
me: yuck!!! that was a real bad one.
me: oh really!!! you think u are Jim carrey?
me: there is a minimum specified level.
me: where? ISO 840 and 420?
me: (twisting my mouth!!!)that was quite mature of you.
me: oh yeah, I know that, as always(hissing...).
me: hey man the excitement is gone.
me: oh again! back? - yeah......... May be then I will fade away
and don't have to face the fact.....SSSSSSSSSSSS.....

No running with torch this time.

Sapota knows what you guys are thinking? See this is not about exploiting my stature. But this is about a bigger cause.
Sapota has decided this time not to run with olympic torch in order to support the Tibetan cause. Sapota knows that he should not mix politics with sports, but its not about sport any more, this is more about humanity. Sapota is an advocate of democracy, liberty and freedom, but these communist bustards have crushed a free democratic country for its political and military motives.
Sapota watched some hindi movie(yes friends, yet again) and there was so much of cliche, repeated dailogues and over-exploitation of themes like patriotism and emotions. Sapota is tired of bashing hindi movies. Sapota sound so much beating about the SAME bloody bush again and again. Commercialization has touched everything, but still there is a way of making good movies, with commercial value. Yet still these communist bustards are torturing peaceful protesters.
If Marx would have been alive and seeing what people has done with his peaceful theory of social development, he would have burnt Das Kapital with his own hands. Sapota wont advocate communism, but in spirit after imperialism and despotic reign, it was the best thing, which talk about a total social development. But these guys have twisted it as totalitarian regime. Nevertheless, nothing less is hindi movies doing, they are torturing people in name of entertainment. Each movie tries to show everything in a single go and none of them is shown well.
Phew, life is stuck with head in ass, national newpaper is a tabloid, national movies are big fucks and my friends in Tibet are suffering.

Sloth and Gluttony

Why is sleeping or Eating a sin? Sapota believes that eating is the next best thing since sleeping. Nothing could be as invigorating as a nice sleep and delicious food. The very reason one is alive is to eat and if you don't sleep after a nice meal, you will get sick. So, for the very fundamental reason Sleeping is the best hobby, time pass and a great exercise. They say healthy mind resides in healthy body and for that you must eat good and sleep well. What could be more entertaining and desirable than a beautiful bed. Bed is such a loyal friend, it never complains and its always there no matter how u treat it.
Can you think of a nice morning without a stomach full of tasty breakfast, no one can? All great deals are closed over dinners and all dates begin from dinner. Eating is like sex, more u do it more u like it. So the conclusion that one eat to live is like a artist without a passion for art. So one must eat n eat and sleep n sleep; Its the best thing to do, so why even bother to consider anything else.

Sapota would like to quote from Holy Lord Thin Lizzy, "Now some men like the fishin and some men like the fowlin And some men like ta hear a cannon ball a roarin, Me I like sleepin specially in my mollys chamber"........

In the last lane.....

There I go faster cutting the lanes
blood flowing faster in my veins

There comes a shadow so large
a sudden gush of anxiety in my brains.

Shall i, shall I not?
decision is hard?

What are my chances?
still, I will make my advances!

No, but do i know what is certain?
who knows what is to come?

The road is rough and ride is full of protuberances
the wind is harsh and full of turbulences

The life is stretched between now and next
why is difficult to choose the best.

sudden rush of adrenaline
a quick jerk, a smooth slow down
an intentional smooth sail
quickly popping in and out of the world and the thoughts.

coming from sides
turning left and right.
merging and streaming
navigating a sharp turning.

quickly l gain momentum and cutting past everyone.....
getting
......in the last lane.

To MANAPA....

what is Manapa?
Well That is Muncipal Corporation of Pune, Is sapota gone into all those social hue and cry topics blaming authorities for all bads that had occurred?
Naah not at all, That's lame! This place has better things to talk about.
6 o'clock, 7 o'clock or may be 10:30 whatever time, exiting office is kind of comfort one always enjoys. Train of thought just starts its way, as if this is first station and a long journey is about to begin. Lift or stairs: why would sapota ascend down spending some calories? Sapota prefers salute over other ways of greeting, so he salutes hard to security person. Manapa may be around a Kilometer or may be 700 meters but no less than 500 meters.
Life is so colorful and humans are so full of doubts, it reflects so heavily even when one is walking down a road, which is just another repeatative activity. Showrooms are passing by, some of them are quite a mystery since never been there, sapota wonders what may be inside, but then you know showrooms are typically similar, and all these sale season thing is so much around these days that sometimes its enticing, at others it looks like huge chunk of accumulated trash.
This JM road is full of restaurants, some of them are nice, others shitty, there is one which is like open hall and chairs and table, that's it and hordes of people standing outside, sapota wonders what is so great about this place? It feels like as if eating on road. Who cares? people just want their share.
Now this is a secret Sapota is sharing. Crossing road is quite an exercise, one have to cross 5 roads, all of them runs as if electricity is flowing through wires. Sapota always try to find out most optimum path and fastest way of crossing the road. Till date sapota has found three mostly taken ways to do the same. Sometimes sapota is bored of taking this optimum path, so sapota just takes any path to cross these roads, pretty lame! right, but crossing road is a shitty experience, so trying to spice it up(huh.... seriously why would somebody extract pleasure out of something as useless as crossing road.)
Anyway now sapota is nearer to destination and he is walking fast and people are wondering "Is this guy supercharged or what or Is his ass on fire?", but sapota never even bother to give a damn and walks and walks like a soldier, just marching.
Manapa is utterly chaotic, Buses, autos, bikes, scooters, bicycle, all in same small place. Getting in bus is a hard exercise and trust me, if line is coming out of the bus stand, then better get ready for breath-stopping journey, couple of times if you are lucky you may get a shared auto, but then sitting in that rickshaw is heck of a pain in butt. Sapota is not frustrated or annoyed or for that matter complaining about all these discomforts, but darling this is typical scene, anywhere in this part of world, have to live with it and have to love it.

what a waste !!!

Life sometimes makes one to do things, which one do not wish to do. What sapota is trying to say is that since he has set some standards for himself and going below them is utterly tourturing. Sapota do not say or justify any of his statement on the ground of good or bad, but then he is always more inclined on his likes and dislike and sometimes strongly. Sapota went to see hindi movies for 15 times and found all of them unsatisfactory and disappointing, and after each movie he took a vow of no more repeating the performance but literally every time much to his own dismay and with heavy heart, he sacrificed his vows for dear ones. There is a limit to the number sacrifice sapota can make, but not beyond it. And this time after 15th repeated follies, sapota has determined "NO" and "NO". Sapota with strong will and determination persisted trough the vow for more then 4 months, but grass didn't remained green for long and sapota, inspite of his hard will and single mindedness, became prey of circumstances.
A usually bad day started with zero result effort and now here we are standing to make choice of which of these movies will least torturing, sapota had a sudden fear of undergoing a pain for next 3 hours. Sapota is standing at ticket counter, looking right into eyes of the ticket distributer, she has received him with dull looks, sapota with his hands trembling with fear, flashes his card, "6 tickets for this show". Sapota in the back of his mind is still thinking, "why the heck am i suppose to do this". May be, it not always your happiness that counts, but this is their happiness, which makes u happy.
Inside the hall, we are always happy until movie starts with our wise cracks and our goofy slapstick remarks. Bunch of chicks in hind row and some rowdy lads in front. Now as everyone was expecting movie will be crappy and to make things interesting everyone expected sapota to pass real funny remarks, but for some reason sapota's creativity and enthusiasm was yawing somewhere else. Anyway chicks at hind row were enjoying and passing some silly comments, which can barely make you laugh, but still chicks were enjoying, and sapota and his allies were making all efforts to get a glance of chicks by some or other way(this includes frequent visits to loo).
Movie has all forms of predictable jokes, below standard jokes and no humor whatsoever, some of the jokes were pathetic, some of them gross and most of them untimely and really bad. Only one person was worth watching, Javed jafri(sapota is his big fan, for his awesome comic sense). Arshad warshi was biggest disappointment. Sapota, until the end was figuring out as to what was he doing in movie. Anyway movie was a total fiasco, total waste of sapotas currency and more than that sapota's time, Sapota could have seen two nice movies in the time, but then man proposes and god disposes. So once more sopta has succumb to something really creepy and total waste.

Homo Intellecta

Intellectualism is one of those things that has happened to me(okay you bloody nit picker, I am not intending that to myself, but even if i am, so what, this is goddamn my blog!) . By every mean I try not to get into this intellectual thing, try to simplify every thing and get into the zone of being ordinary or general, but then there is a kick related to it. It is more like intoxication, it is more like an addiction, it comes back automatically, i don't have to even beat my eyelash.
There are several places where i often try to intellectualize things, in fact I do it to every other thing. The kind of books i read, i will try to find kind of books, which are too deeply nested and too much philosophical and consuming all my mind and conscious. I won't settle for any story or any thing lesser than a classic or something very intricate. Simple books or books every one else read won't satisfy me; no way! I cannot read this shit. These guy know nothing about literature or reading; as if, I am some Shakespeare. Next thing that come to my mind and which i will not compromise, even on the grounds that i am not an expert on subject is "Music". Everyone has its own say and taste on music, but you never kill each other during genre war. But not me. Talk about any thing that is not metal or some classic rock in front me, i will deliver half an hour lecture on why rock is so good -- no no, why rock is great? Trust me or not, but Rock is truely intellectual music. Rock stars may seem some kind of roadies but they are very very evolved intellectual being and learned musicians. But then listening to hindi melody is not that bad either, but why would i settle for that? where are the kicks, where are the surges, I don't enjoy melody or even give a damn about it. Then somebody may ask me "dammit, then why don't you listen to classical?" hmnnn.... May be I have not still attain that level.
Now there is a thing which i proclaim my self to be The King; that is BAKARchodee(I know i have promised a blog on this one, but it is still incomplete, so keep watching this space.), yes I can talk useless and senseless and non-stop. I believe i can deliver both quantity(I can bet on this one) and quality(hah... vanity). Now why conversation comes in picture here is that, no matter how hard i try, no matter to whom i talk, no matter why am i conversing, if it stretches to little longer than my threshold of pretending simple, i end up saying presumed philosophy or for that matter some "gyan spreading" , babbling facts and throwing my own opinions developed over some bias over all these years. I can not just talk for the heck of it, the belief that communication is a must and that too precise and conveying exact idea is so strongly embedded into my system that I sometimes defeat the whole purpose, just putting some fundas like usual form of intellectual bakarchodee. i don't know why? but, entire result is complicating the simple meaningful idea or data into complicated jargon and funda-filled statement(and mind it interpretation is left to receiver at to his own wits). Plain talk are none of my business.
This entire intellectual thing has spoilt me totally, every thing i do is governed by a powerful thought, a notion and moreover, only few thing which i have not dealt with may go normally or with some intuition. Otherwise, there is a precursor to everything, okay i should have talked about it, knowledge is my poison, I have strong affinity towards it. Curiosity can kill the cat, but, still i will quench my thirst for it by all means (affording serious losses sometimes). I am too much suspicious about the source, Knowledge and that too in its purest form and highly reliable; oho...why don't you go to antartica to find out how penguins pee?. You know more, you feel more equipped, but actually you have more reservations and more prejudices, than it would have without knowing and thing still worsen up with incorrect knowledge. This fear of incorrect knowledge makes me paranoid at times, i feel almost killed if some of my information is wrong. Me and my data being wrong, no way, you must be kiddin! right.
My lifestyle typically moves around everything that has something to with that intellectual thing. My clothes, i will give them a huge amount of thought and justify every reason for wearing them, (In that much time, one could have done some research on extinct animals like Archaeopteryx and added another chapter in paleontology). The kind of movies i watch should be one of those critically acclaimed stuff and must give me a food for thought, some times i had to scratch my head to understand "what is going on" and "why"? But what is the big deal if the movie doesn't give you that pain in your head. Entertainment have taken a back seat and that too for a very very long time. Food, now you will think that, :"this is injustice to one self", but yes! nothing get spared, not even food. I will try to do some research on food joint and cuisines and diets and then only eat at particular place and that too a particular kind of stuff. Phew., quite perspirating.
Now even this blog is result of all those intellectual things, resulting me to blabber uselessly and pointlessly, believing that i have created a Masterpiece of writing, every time. But yet i know this is more relieving than not saying anything at all. I know intellectualism has consumed every bit of all thing i have, but i enjoy it more than anything, yes! more than being insane or ecstatic or rhapsodic. So let it be that way and let me enjoy this shit.

Man against Man

Why am I being compared?
Am I a human or are I a commodity.
Life begins with being compared with other beings.... You look more like like you mom. So what do you expect should I look like? alien from pluto!
As I gained some conscious I am compared with John of Neighborhood. John get better marks than you . So what goddammit, I am no bloody John.
You have to be first in class. If I have to be first in class, what are all others suppose to be?
You are not growing tall.. look at Mrs X son he has grown so tall... Mrs X. son is particularly suffering from hormonal imbalance and has undergone a transformation better known as gigantism.
Then I compete against others of my type at all possible place and intellect believe that as competition becomes more quality improves, and better thing come into existence.
I want to be the best, paradoxically "what is best".... where does best exist. best in world, best in town, better than my friends. Nature has taught us competition at few places, but not everywhere. I am striving hard to prove that I am better than you in some terms or in all terms or may be in some other term. Just trying to prove some worthless crap!!
Humans become machine binded by criterion of some pre-designed human concepts and few of them hold the key, because they came early or found some like minded people and made a group, finally institutionalizing everything.
I often tend to become better than X number of people, but how much as human I tend to grow. How much better am I than our my own self.
I improvise because everyone else is improving. Does any form of innovation or ingenuity born out of such competition, I believe none. All great invention are constant improvement of its own self.
Categorizing people: why?
he is John Travolta look alike? or I aspire to be come Bjon Borg? Boss!!! why don't you try to become yourself first. This person is 50% something, I am being classified based on marks I obtain in my studies? Isn't this racism. Is it not equally bad as calling some me as "nigger". If I try to do things on my own or i remain self consumed you labele me as "Nerds" and even if I try to socialize, I am out casted because of that label.
You ought to do this because you father did this? why can't i find my own way and why can't i do things my way?
Ok I know systems, regulations and processes exist to make life better and easier and easily managed(now this is the whole key of the misery), but what about people? If people tend to follow process and find it miserable, should one continue with that and for sake of it get adjusted and say politely "it is nice process". These Idiosyncrasies of Process and management are converting people as nothing but productive machines, killing the man in him. Well, what is left is a clown in us often termed as "Manager".

What about me left as what I am? converting civilization as better process rather than making it loaded with Idiosyncrasies and do's and don't? Rules should make things easier and not complicate them. There should exist some form of logic and human-factor, which should govern things rather then being told what to do and how to do? Some form of agreement in terms of our human nature must exist. Running along with people to get ahead of them is not something I am born for. Gifted human beings are most destructive force of nature, which nature has produced and above all they are destroying themselves in order to prove some form of superiority, I don't know.... to whom?